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4 Matchmaking Styles…Which is Right for You?


Confused about how to find a matchmaker to work with? Here is where to start.

You’re interested in finding a Matchmaker to work with, but you are unsure of how to find one that is the right match for you? Here is some help—

The best way to choose a matchmaker is the same way you would choose any other professional in your life—whether it’s a doctor, lawyer, or accountant. You look to find a highly reputable professional who specializes in the type of person you are.

Everyone has a personal style, just like every matchmaker has a distinct way that they work with their clients. The beauty of this is that no matter your personality, there is a matchmaker out there who can work with you in a way that is comfortable and meets your needs.

After coaching and working with hundreds of matchmakers at the Matchmaking Institute, I have found that most fall into four main match styles. None of them have a higher success rate than the other, they are simply different approaches to the job based on who that particular matchmaker is and the clientele they cater to.

As you read through the styles, keep in mind that the better you know yourself, the more easily you will recognize a matchmaking style that will work best for you.

1. Nurturing- Matchmakers with a nurturing approach are great listeners. They are sure to make you feel great about yourself from the first getting to know you meeting through every date and feedback conference that follows.  They provide kindly phrased, helpful advice to make it easier for you to open up and feel cared for throughout the dating process. If you are looking to work with someone who will approach you in a kind, gentle, and encouraging manner, than this style is one to look at for sure. 

Example: Beth Mandell, the Director of Matchmaking for VIP Life, is a perfect nurturer. She works hard to create a comfortable and safe environment for our clients. Beth is very aware that life and dating can be hard enough as it is, so she works hard to be sure that our clients to feel at ease, and are fee to be themselves.

2. Direct- Are you a busy --let’s get this done-- type of person?  Do you like to know exactly what is on the table, and make fairly quick decisions with the input of a professional?  If so, you may feel most comfortable working with a matchmaker who doesn’t adorn the facts, presents information to you in a timely, honest manner, and seems to know immediately who to set you up with. 

Example: Patti Stanger, of Millionaire Matchmaker, is a great example of a direct matchmaker. She tells it like it is, and is not shy to cut straight to the point. Patti wants her clients to put their best foot forward, and demands attention to detail. She knows that her clients are busy, and works efficiently to get the job done.


3. Go-getter- Matchmakers in this style approach their work with energy, enthusiasm, and attention to detail. Although they bring plenty of energy to the table, a go-getter does not rush the process, taking time to check in with clients daily, and constantly examine new candidates. They offer their clients detailed advice on how best to proceed, and expect them to be proactive in return. This driven style makes them an efficient and effective matchmaker.

Example: Leora Hoffman, of Leora Hoffman Associates in Bethesda, MD likes to get a complete psychological, family and relationship history of her clients before beginning the matching process.  Then, as a practicing attorney with eighteen years of experience in the matchmaking business, she uses her instincts to suggest potential matches. 

4. Holistic- Do you appreciate when someone takes his or her time getting to know you, excavating your past and truly understanding all that goes into making you the unique person you are?  A matchmaker that works in the holistic style listens to their clients and takes them in fully. They then formulate a clear picture of who a client is from all that they have shared. Holistic matchmakers are comfortable taking it slow and not rushing you throughout the process.  

Example: Kailen Rosenberg, of Global Lover Mergers & The Elite Love Registry in Minnesota, knows that healthy relationships begin only when two ‘healed and emotionally healthy’ people are involved.  Kailene coaches along the way to help detect and clean up any opportunity for sabotage. She often continues to coach couples once they are engaged or married to ensure that they stay in a place of growth for themselves as well as the relationship. 

Although I do think most matchmakers fall into one of those categories, there are of course, always exceptions to any rule. I for example, as a matchmaker am a bit of a mix between the Nurturing and Direct styles. I take my time to get to know clients, and work hard to create a judgment free zone for them. I help them be the best they can be in a super supportive environment, but also never beat around the bush when it comes to important feedback and advice.

No matter your comfort level or personal preference, there is a matchmaker out there that is right for you. If you need any help finding one in your area, don’t hesitate to contact me, or you can visit the Matchmaking Institute website for more information.

(If you are interested in becoming a matchmaker yourself,  you may want to read about which style you’d be on Patti Knows!)


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