Fear = Change!


Fear = Change!
And change means your life is about to get really awesome.

When we become afraid, it is our body telling us something bad is about to happen. Our brain releases a stress hormone called Serotonin that actually prevents injury to our vital organs in case we experience physical trauma. This hormone is what gives us that physical reaction of feeling sick to our stomach, not wanting to move, and not being able to think clearly. If you think about it, fear is an amazing gift that can actually keep us alive.

But what about the fear we experience during a life-altering event like divorce? Is our life really threatened? Do our vital organs really need protecting from trauma? Of course not! The fear you are feeling is because you don’t know what is coming next, you are afraid of the unknown, and more importantly, you don’t know if you can do it all by yourself.
But let me tell you something, my friends:


Fear = Change!

And change is always good. Change means your life is about to get really awesome. That fear is putting you in an uncomfortable place for a reason. (Being uncomfortable sucks, doesn’t it?) So whenever I feel afraid, I like to tackle it head-on. I will take out my journal and write down everything I’m afraid of, and then I will talk back at those fears and give them a smack-down. Finally, I make a weekly action plan as to how I promise to make changes – no matter how small that change might be.

I’m gonna give you an example of what that might look like, using my own personal divorce fears that I had. And then I will share with you what really happened, to prove to you that none of my fears actually came true.  

1) I am afraid that my children are going to be traumatized

Smack-down: I have so much love to give to these kids, and their dad loves them too. While it hurts them now, one day they will understand why the marriage had to end. They will no longer see us fight and witness an unloving marriage. I am the adult and I know what’s better for them in the long run.

Action plan: This week I will find a book to read about the positive effects of divorce on children.

What really happened: To this day, my kids are thriving, happy people. Not too long ago my oldest son said to me, “Mom, I’m really happy that you’re happy and that Dad is happy. You guys are SO different, I really get it now.” (He’s only 11, by the way).

2) I am afraid that I will never find a place to live or much less afford a place on my own

Smack-down: There are so many housing options and I just need to be patient. I have some savings money tucked away, and I have a great job that will allow me to afford it.

Action plan: This week I will make a 6 month budget for everything I need. I will also visualize what my place looks like, and I trust it will come to me.

What really happened: I found a great house that my kids loved. While it was small and they had to share a room, I met amazing neighbors AND my future husband who lived around the corner. Money was definitely tight, but for the first time in my life, I learned how to save money and spend it wisely. It was the greatest lesson I could have learned.

(I had a ton more fears, but you get the point…)

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Lindsey Ellison

Divorce Coach

Lindsey Ellison

Start Over. Find Happiness. 


Click here to schedule a free consultation!

Location: Annapolis, MD
Credentials: BA, BS
Other Articles/News by Lindsey Ellison:

5 Signs of a Bad Marriage No One Talks About


While our culture gets criticized for being too pro-divorce, I'd like to counter that criticism and say we are a culture of over-tolerance. We tolerate bad behavior and bad relationships for far too long. We are rewarded for "sticking it out" and are scolded by our society if we don't. I am often amazed to hear what my clients and readers ... Read more

Breaking Up With Mr. Nice Guy


I once dated a really nice guy. He was funny, we had fun together, we had good chemistry – but something was off. It took me a while to pinpoint what it was – but I held on far too long because, really, I had no one else in my life so why end a “good” thing? Has this happened to you, where you are in a relationship with someone but ... Read more

When Bad Sh*t Happens to Good People


As of late, the news stories seem grimmer than ever: massacre in Paris, planes crashing in the Indian Ocean, and just recently I read about a 5 year old child being thrown off a bridge by her father in Florida. Sometimes these stories grip me with such pain because I know what it’s like to lose someone dear to me. When I was just 6 year old, my mother ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular