Fancy sex positions aren't everything, you know!
If you want to build true intimacy and passion in your relationship, first learn how to communication with compassion — from your highest and best self.
Because when there is a peaceful and respectful dialogue between you and your partner, it feels safe for you both to put your walls down and remove the filters through which you judge each other.
You no longer see your partner with blame, judgment, or fear. And you realize there are no triggers to threaten your security with each other. You create more peace and partnership.
When there’s true, compassionate partnership, you feel like a team and fun returns to your connection.
When you’re safely connected and feeling respected and enjoying each other, the passion you initially experienced at the start of your relationship begins to reappear. It often even intensifies!
Remember what you used to enjoy together and begin doing more of that again.
Here's how to start rebuilding that passion:
1. Focus on building your sexual intimacy.
Sexual intimacy is not about technique. A more loving bond on all levels comes from forgiveness, compassion, and peace. The more you learn how to be understanding, empathetic, and affectionate, the more passion there will be.
2. Spend time together regularly (and be active during that time).
Make plans for new experiences that are interesting, exciting, and enjoyable. You can take turns arranging date nights, choosing the activities, and calling a sitter if you have children. Some of my clients have little activity jars where they just think of something to do, put it in the jar, and take out an idea from time to time so that there’s no pressure to pick a plan and they can mutually create more fun.
3. Help your partner feel like a priority in your life.
Focus on making him or her happy — also ask for and receive what you want and need.
Create new habits of touch, connection, laughter, and fun. You'll feel appreciated, making it easier to reciprocate in kind. Or first, offer that appreciation, acceptance, admiration, and loving attention yourself, and see what happens.
Passion can permeate your whole relationship in and out of the bedroom.
Intimacy is not just intercourse, it’s holding hands, it’s cuddling, it’s hugging, it’s that kiss hello and goodbye. You begin to offer love in the currency of your partner, not giving to meet your needs but to meet theirs. They do the same for you.
In her new book, Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate, Arielle Ford reminds us of the meaning of love, “Love is both a choice and a behavior… Love is a connection. Love is a feeling … Love is about being willing to forgive. Love is God. Love is who we are. Love is why we are here. To put it simply, love is all there is."
Put another way, love is essentially “a full cup of love sharing her overflow with the world.” So, fill your cup first. Fill your life with passion, vibrancy and joy. It can be done. You can do it. It starts with loving yourself.
Then let your overflow of love bring peace, partnership, and passion to your relationship, to your family, and to the world.
This article was originally published at Linda Kroll. Reprinted with permission from the author.