I found myself searching for my tribe post-divorce. Finding my tribe was a disorienting, exhilarating and educational experience. Most people don’t talk about how your friendships change after a divorce. This post is about my experience!
Tribe 1: Supportive Married Friends
This is the tribe that got me through the first 6 months of my separation and divorce. These were the friends I had for years. These are the friends that sat with me as I drank bottles of wine and alternated between proclaiming my awesomeness and sobbing about how much pain I was in. You need trusted people around when you are throwing out that kind of crazy!
Tribe 2: Party Girls
After a while, Tribe 1 stopped filling my need. They were a little worn out from all the pain and not sure what to say. I was feeling like a burden to them so I found Tribe 2—The Party Girls! These girls are all about Happy Hour, copious amounts of wine, dancing, and general fun. This was a fun tribe! I spent each kid free weekend out dancing, drinking, flirting with men….until I realized I’m not a youngster anymore and couldn’t keep up with the pace.
Tribe 3: Divorce Identifiers
I found myself tired from drinking and dancing and settled in with Tribe 3 for a bit. These are the women who’ve created an identity around being divorced. Highly educated on divorce and custody laws, these women are keeping the pain alive. I didn’t spend much time here—I was quickly ready to move forward.
Tribe 4: Single Parents
For me, this is the tribe where I found my perfect fit! I found this group at my church. It’s a group of single parents, both men and women, but none of us are trying to date each other. These friends really encouraged and supported me to heal and settle into my new life. They are also a great resource for me to turn to when I have a blow up with the ex or parenting challenges. I hang out with this tribe on a weekly basis. I open up my home to them and their children often—we dump a ton of food on the counter and spend the next 5 hours eating and laughing. They have changed my life!
What’s your experience been? Have you found your tribe yet? Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me your story!