Insecure women feel threatened by confident women but they won't admit it because low self esteem does not lend itself to being open and honest. Instead, they may stay completely quiet and beat themselves up internally for not being good enough, or lash out in toxic behavior. If so, they may have the mindset of, "I may not feel as together as you look but I can drop you down to my level with one unkind word, and then I will have company in my misery." A woman with healthier self esteem, who's on a self-development track, would rather model the example of the together-looking woman, and visualizes herself in that position the feeling of what it will be like.
I want to give you a real-life scenario to help you visualize what happens when we see someone who we are, by human nature (the universal law of relativity), comparing ourselves to and may feel jealousy toward.
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My Personal Story:
I was with a gal pal at a pool party and we saw a woman wearing a great outfit. My friend said, "Look at that cute skirt. What a bitch she is." I said, "It is adorable! I'm going to ask her where she got it!" I walked up to her (to my soon-to-be-ex gal pal's amazement) and said, "Hi, I'm Kelly and that is the cutest skirt ever! Where'd you get it?"
Two Important Lessons:
First, my ex-gal pal who called her a bitch had low self esteem. She saw someone who looked better than she thought she looked, which put her into attack mode. She didn't feel like she had her life together and that was reflected back to her by someone she felt looked like they did have it together. She attacked verbally and because the target of her drama didn't hear her, she belittled herself and looked stupid to everyone who overheard her. The negative energy alone (universal law of vibration and attraction) will bring more negative situations her way.
Second, although like all women at some point, I've struggled with low self esteem, I have done my due diligence in self discovery and self-development to improve it and gain more confidence. My comment was healthy and complimentary, helping to increase the other woman's confidence and her self-image while potentially making a new friend.
Why Frenemies Attack - The Attacker Mindset
I love to simplify things, and in my former career teaching personal safety and self defense, I simplified why people attack (verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically). I called it The Attacker Mindset. The description is understandable and comes in handy as I assist my life coaching clients in gaining clarity in their relationships. It fits in perfectly here as we talk about frenemies because all attacks originate in this subconscious mindset.
The attacker mindset is feeling out of control of your own life and choosing to control someone or something else in order to feel powerful again. Attacks may be verbal, mental, emotional, physical or a combination of two or more.
An important distinction is that mental attacks inspire you to question your thinking, whereas emotional attacks hurt your feelings or cause you to feel differently. Just remember: mental is thought and emotional is feeling.
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Haven't we all shoved our little brother when we were kids or manipulated someone to get what we wanted? Most likely, yes. We were in the attacker mindset. We've all been there and will probably be there many more times in our lives. Therefore, in addition to preventing attacks on us, this understanding can help us recognize it in ourselves when it rears its ugly head and gives us an opportunity to make a better choice. Keep reading...