As women, our true value is what we feel we have to contribute to the world and plays a vital role in our lives. When we feel valuable, we lead happy, healthy lives whereas when we're searching for our value we spend our lives seeking approval from others.
3 Reasons We Fail To Recognize Our True Value:
- Looking to others to determine what we are worth
- Basing our value on how we look compared to airbrushed magazine models and starving runway models
- Lack of female role models who recognize their own true value
There are several other reasons but these three are very common.
Recognizing Our True Value is an Inside Job - The value we place on ourselves comes from within, not from others. As a woman, it is a vital ingredient of our inner power - our self-esteem. When we don't recognize our true value, we give away our power by looking to others for approval and for them to tell us what we're worth.
Seeking Our Value Through Others Is Painful and Disastrous
Real-Life Example 1 - Attending a new business group for the first time, I felt valuable, appreciated and wonderful about myself and knew this was a group I wanted to join because every member graciously introduced themselves to me and shook my hand before breakfast. Then I learned there is a $5 fine for anyone who doesn't welcome a guest on their first visit. They weren't interested in me; they were interested in avoiding a fine!
I instantly felt tricked and used to avoid a fine. I didn't feel good about the group anymore either and that is sad because some of the members may have been authentic in their greetings but now there was a cloud hanging over the entire group and their value, in my eyes, went down.
Real-Life Example 2 - An acquaintance always wrote, "You're Awesome," at the bottom of his emails to me. He also said it before we ended a phone call. I felt supported and valuable to him... until I realized the email signature was embedded and he told everyone the same thing when they talked on the phone!
I didn't feel valued by him any longer as this habit of his removed the authenticity I thought I saw in him.
These two scenarios are important because you can see that not only did my value for myself diminish but the value I placed on the others did as well.
How to Begin Recognizing Your True Value
- Make a list of all of your skills (i.e. management skills), talents (i.e. painter) and accomplishments (i.e. college degree)
- Make a list of the roles you play in your life (i.e. mother, sister, CEO)
- Now write down who you are without any of those - the feeling or emotion that comes to you almost immediately. (Are you light, love, joy, abundance, etc?)
This is who you are at your core, your true value. You will always hold this value regardless of what happens to you or what others think or say. Now, if someone speaks mean words to you, you know the issue lies with them, not you because you: recognize your true value; no longer need their approval; and can utilize your inner power much more effectively.
Kelly Rudolph is a Certified Life Coach, Hypnotherapist and Founder of www.PositiveWomenRock.com. Are you tired of stress, lack of confidence and fear about your future? Kelly can help. Begin getting her free Life Strategies now.
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