3 Tips To Keep Your Loyalty From Digging Your Grave

By

3 Tips To Keep Your Loyalty From Digging Your Grave
Is your extreme loyalty making you feel drained, overwhelmed and taken advantage of?

As a positive woman, I was always a happy and loyal supporter of others doing good deeds - that is until I felt myself digging my own grave. I found loyalty to have several elements and then I separated doing good deeds from being a good person. Let me explain because I think this may assist you in becoming and remaining a positive woman without selling yourself out through loyalty to a draining cause or person.

First of all, loyalty is defined by Webster's as "faithful to commitments or obligations." Faithful is "steady in allegiance," commitments are "engaging oneself" and obligations are "binding promises" or "a sense of duty."

So, for my example, being loyal is "steadily engaging ourselves in something where we feel a sense of duty."

An example of my over-loyalty was when I agreed to create a business project for someone that should have taken 5 days and took 6 weeks! I stayed in it because I didn't want to be a quitter. What I found was that I was manipulated and drained of my time, energy, positivity and money because I was loyal to a fault.

The good news is this sent me on a journey to recognize when to be loyal and when to cheer someone on from a distance without getting involved. Also, how to determine if someone is using me or truly needs and appreciates my assistance.

3 Tips To Keep Your Positive Woman Loyalty From Digging Your Positive Woman Grave:

  1. Trust your gut feelings! You will intuitively know when someone is genuine or playing you for a fool. Tell them, "Let me think about it and get back to you," in order to have time to quietly feel the right answer.
  2. Value yourself. When we, as positive women, base our value on the number of people we can help, it means we don't value ourselves. We are worthy and valuable even before we help someone else so if it doesn't fit into your plan, say "No."
  3. Know the 3 things you can do with an agreement. 1) Keep it. 2) Renegotiate it. 3) Break it. These are for YOUR protection, use them!

Had I done one or all of these three things, I wouldn't have ended up in the situation I was in. I never got paid completely for the work I did but learning that my loyalty has to be to myself first has been payment enough!

To further explore locating and using your true value to upgrade your decisions and personal boundaries, grab your weekly Positive Woman Tip plus free eBook and audio book at Positive Women Rock right now.

More Juicy Content From YourTango

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Kelly Rudolph

Life Coach

Kelly Rudolph
Certified Life Coach | Certified Hypnotherapist | Founder of PositiveWomenRock | Speaker/Presenter

Coach Kelly Rudolph walks her talk and implements her own personal growth plan on a dialy basis, translating into greater understanding, experience and strategies for her clients.

Her personal story is one of tragedy-to-triumph. Learn more at: PositiveWomenRock.com

Join Kelly on her Positive Women Rock Facebook page and sign up for her FREE Life Strategies.
 

Location: La Jolla, CA
Credentials: ACC
Specialties: Life Management, Life Transitions, Stress Management
Other Articles/News by Kelly Rudolph:

Adults Get Bullied, Too — And It Hurts Just As Much

By

Have you ever had a gal-pal who insisted on behaving like a teenage girl with an identity crisis? I know, teenage girls and identity crises are synonymous, but what is the impact of an adult woman playing the same games? Let's say you are in a group of friends who go out together every weekend and have a great time. But suddenly, you begin seeing photos ... Read more

Is There Ever A Good Reason To Be Friends With Benefits?

By

The common definition of "friends with benefits" is a sexual relationship with someone to whom you do not have any emotional ties or commitment. While there are valid reasons why you may engage in this type of partnership, there are also many why you may reconsider. Let's dig a bit deeper into this topic so you can make an educated ... Read more

How To Tell If Your Relationship Is Emotionally Abusive

By

Having had my share of abusive relationships, I was inspired to become a Certified Life Coach and Personal Safety Trainer & Self-Defense Instructor to teach others about the signs that a relationship is veering into unhealthy territory. Stick with me here and you'll learn about why emotional abuse (or any other kind of abuse) occurs. Emotional abuse ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.