Many people are attracted to individuals with ADD for their zany sense of humor, imagination, creativity, charm and “out of the box” thinking. But for many couples those attractive qualities can sometimes fade in the light of untreated ADD. I receive hundreds of calls and e mails from frustrated partners of individuals with ADD (POADD’s) asking if I could please work with their partner in assisting with the various aspects of ADD that are affecting the quality of their lives and relationships. Sadly, untreated ADD is a large factor in many divorces and break ups between couples. In case you missed my earlier blog post, here's a link to learn about the 8 biggest relationship problems that lead to feeling unloved. The following is a list of some of the most common problems affecting these couples:
Rage and/or uncontrollable anger: Many individuals with ADD have difficulty controlling their anger and (what’s more) can provoke their partner’s anger as well. The POADD’s are often overwhelmed and exhausted with all the fighting and feel badly that they are unable to control their temper.
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Financial Problems: People with ADD often having problems with impulsive spending, problems keeping a job, and/or underemployment. There is often a lot of debt and hoarding of items purchased on a whim that may be stashed away in closets, drawers, under the bed or in disarray around the home. Online spending is also often a big problem as well.
Career Stagnation: Due to their partner’s inability to hold a job, the POADD’s often do not feel that they can take risks in their professional lives due to the sense that theirs’ is the only stable source of income. In addition, they often underperform at work due to (what feels like) ongoing “crises” and stress caused by their home life.
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Sexual Problems: Very often I will hear complaints that the ADD partner will either lose interest in sex or will expect to have sex all the time. Sometimes this occurs because Adder’s get bored easily or (paradoxically) sex may be used as a stimulant. I often hear that the POADD’s loss of interest in sex with their partner is due to the feeling of having sex with their child (since they often take on the role of parent) and the partner with ADD often loses interest in sex because he or she may feel like they are having sex with their parent. (Due to their partner having taken on the parental role in the relationship very often)
Traffic Violations: People with ADD frequently have car accidents that cause worry about the Adder’s safety and/ or the safety of the passengers, who are very often their children. They often have very high insurance rates and costly traffic violations, which put further financial strain on the couple.