Continue to Site »»

ProConnect

28 Dos & Don'ts Of Divorced Parenting

By . Posted on .

28 Dos & Don'ts Of Divorced Parenting [EXPERT]
Don't let your divorce damage your relationship with your child.
How to be the best parent possible during one of the most challenging experiences ever.

25. DON'T pawn your child off to relatives or babysitters for the majority of your visitation time. They need and want to spend time with you. This will build a foundation of trust and strengthen your relationship with your child in the long run. Children desperately want the time and attention of their parents. Dating After Divorce: How Soon Is Too Soon?

26. DON'T probe and ask your child questions about the other parent, the other parent's home, how they are spending their time and who they are dating. This puts your child in a very difficult position and is incredibly unfair to them. This can be emotionally harmful to your child and should be avoided at all costs.

More from YourTango: What The Country Can Learn From the Connecticut School Shooting

27. DON'T make your child feel as though they are abandoning you or hurting you when they are spending time with your ex. This will not make them love you more. It will only make them worry about you and feel responsible for your feelings. This is very damaging to children and has long-term emotional consequences.

28. DON'T make a decision about your child to try to hurt your ex. While you may accomplish your goal to hurt your ex, you are hurting your child more so. You are going to create great feelings of hurt, disappointment and guilt for your child. Over time this will damage your relationship with them, as they will eventually see through what you are doing. The 10 Emotional Stages Of Divorce

Using your child as a weapon against your ex can become emotionally abusive to your child and will have long-term negative consequences. Parents often deny doing this while the children are clearly exhibiting all of the symptoms of the loyalty bind they are in. Even the most cooperative parenting with an ex can produce this loyalty bind. Imagine when there is hostility between parents, what a dilemma that puts your child in.

Children are very intuitive and can "feel" the dynamics between you and your ex. Don't assume that the exchanges you have with your ex does not impact them or that the divorce is not affecting your childen. It is. You can minimize the impact of this by keeping their needs and best interest at the focus of all interactions with your ex.

More from YourTango: How to Talk to Your Child About the Newtown School Shooting

Cooperative parenting and supporting your ex through the parenting process is imperative to help your child deal with their feelings about your separation and the impact it has had on them. Acknowledge your children's feelings and how hard it must be for them to deal with their emotions. This will help your children know you understand and care about what they are going through.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Leslie Petruk

Marriage and Family Therapist

Leslie Petruk is a Child & Family Therapist

Location: Charlotte, NC
Credentials: BCC, LPC, MA, NCC
Other Articles/News by Leslie Petruk:

What The Country Can Learn From the Connecticut School Shooting

By

Our nation as a whole tends to stigmatize and minimize the reality and the extent of the impact of mental health issues on our country.  Mental health is always on the top of the list when budgets are slashed on local, state, and national levels.  Insurance companies are making excessive profits at the expense of families ability to afford ... Read more

How to Talk to Your Child About the Newtown School Shooting

By

It's unthinkable that when you send your child off to school you would ever receieve a call such as those parents in Newtown, CT did on December 14th.  It's a parents worst nighmare.  My heart aches for those families, as I know everyone's does.  As a parent or one who works with children, you may face difficult questions.  It is ... Read more

Guilt Free Parenting: 8 ways to avoid the guilt trap

By

We've all experienced it...the dreaded parenting guilt.  You blame yourself whenever you see your child fail or if they are unhappy or struggling.  You beat yourself up after you lose your cool when your child misbehaves, you wonder how you have failed your child when they come home with a bad test grade, and you are sure iti is your fault that ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
happy couple

9 Steps to a Happy Marriage

Looking to improve your home relationship? Follow these suggestions from a leading family counselor.

Faith

Day 19: I Call a Do Over

Reclaiming Your Vitality - The Journey

Crazy

6 Beliefs That Keep The Procrastinator You Love Stuck!

Procrastinators are not lazy. They are trying to avoid something they fear that stops them cold.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS