ProConnect

Help! I Sound Just Like My Mother

By

Help! I Sound Just Like My Mother [EXPERT]
Is the sound of your own voice starting to scare you?
How to break the outdated parenting habits you inherited from your mom.

It seems to be an unavoidable phenomenon that occurs as we age and have our own children. I actually heard myself say once, in a heated moment with my oldest daughter, "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about."

That wasn't one of my finer parenting moments but I knew where it came from. The sting of "mommy guilt" kicked in when I remembered how I felt when those words were spoken to me by my mother when I was younger.

More from YourTango: What The Country Can Learn From the Connecticut School Shooting

In these moments, we as parents have an opportunity to repair not only the hurt we caused our own child, but also the hurt we experienced as a child.  

For those who grew up in families that were less than ideal, sounding like your mom can be a reminder that you are repeating an unhealthy pattern and may feel scary or disconcerting. Family patterns will be repeated from one generation to the next without a conscious awareness of the impact that your ubringing had on you.

Often, we will make promises to ourselves that we will never allow our child experience what we did as a child. However, without doing your own healing, you will likely go to the opposite extreme which is just as unhealthy. 6 Ways To Know You've Met Your Prince Charming

I once worked with a mom who talked about how her mother played favorites and she was clearly the least favored of her sister, brother and herself. She swore to herself that her children would never feel like the "unfavored" child and she was committed to treating her two daughters, in particular, equally. 28 Dos & Don'ts Of Divorced Parenting

The problem here was that she was feeling exhausted trying to make sure neither of her daughters felt cheated and the sibling rivalry between her daughters was over the top. She also reported that neither of her girls seemed to acknowledge her efforts to treat them equally but instead made every effort to point out any failure on her or her husbands part for giving one something that the other didn't get.

More from YourTango: How to Talk to Your Child About the Newtown School Shooting

Her intention was actually back-firing. The opposite of this scenario is one I see regularly in my practice as well, where a child is being treated as the unfavored child but the parent(s) are blind to it.  

More couples advice from YourTango Experts:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Leslie Petruk

Marriage and Family Therapist

Leslie Petruk is a Child & Family Therapist

Location: Charlotte, NC
Credentials: BCC, LPC, MA, NCC
Other Articles/News by Leslie Petruk:

What The Country Can Learn From the Connecticut School Shooting

By

Our nation as a whole tends to stigmatize and minimize the reality and the extent of the impact of mental health issues on our country.  Mental health is always on the top of the list when budgets are slashed on local, state, and national levels.  Insurance companies are making excessive profits at the expense of families ability to afford ... Read more

How to Talk to Your Child About the Newtown School Shooting

By

It's unthinkable that when you send your child off to school you would ever receieve a call such as those parents in Newtown, CT did on December 14th.  It's a parents worst nighmare.  My heart aches for those families, as I know everyone's does.  As a parent or one who works with children, you may face difficult questions.  It is ... Read more

Guilt Free Parenting: 8 ways to avoid the guilt trap

By

We've all experienced it...the dreaded parenting guilt.  You blame yourself whenever you see your child fail or if they are unhappy or struggling.  You beat yourself up after you lose your cool when your child misbehaves, you wonder how you have failed your child when they come home with a bad test grade, and you are sure iti is your fault that ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS