It's also important to work on things you already know about yourself. Do you have a bad temper? Are you stubborn? Do you use harsh language or act in unkind ways? Are you willing to make room in your life for your partner or does everything have to be your way? What keeps you from bringing your best self to the relationship? It's not okay to say, "That's just the way I am," if you want to be in a healthy relationship.
I know, you're saying, "But, what about them?" I get it. But when you do something different, especially something they have been asking for, you provide an opportunity for the relationship to change for the better. When you put something different out there, they can't respond in the same old way. They may try to push you back to the old behavior or they may not trust your new attitude but, if you keep your new stance, eventually they will have to respond differently. Where most of us fail is either not being clear about our new position or not sticking with it long enoughfor real change to occur.
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Change is anxiety provoking. It takes you out of your comfort zone. And, in reality, you might do all of these things and the relationship still isn't the way you want it. In that case, you need to ask if you are getting enough from it to let go of what you're not getting. No relationship will perfectly match all your expectations but it shouldn't leave you miserable either. Being the best partner and person you can be is all you can do. Hopefully, that will be enough. If it's not, the best way to fix this relationship is to let it go.
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For questions about your relationship, ask me today.