Science Proves We're Hardwired for this

By

Science Proves We're Hardwired for this
Leila's research is consistent with over a decade of research proving we need this after divorce.

What does the Research Show?

Over a decade of research confirms two of my 7-key practices as necessary for living a happy and fulfilling life after divorce. (You can pick up your copy of my PDF Report to shorten your healing process at Reclaim Yourself After Divorce). If you have seen the TedTalk by Brene' Brown, you should watch it often to remind you that you are in control of the quality of your experience in life, even as your life seems to be unraveling completely out of control.  

 

Why is Divorce so Painful and what do we MOST need?

Science has shown that we are neurobiologically wired for CONNECTION. When we experience a divorce, so many connections are severed. We no longer have a partner to sleep next to or share the successes and challenges our daily life brings. The connections we have in our social circles change. We no longer share dinner parties or vacations or holidays with the same people and it's quite common to feel like we no longer belong. Science confirms what I have seen working with hundreds of clients going through divorce, that some of the deepest pain we experience is when we feel disconnected from others. It's common to isolate ourselves when hit with this tragic life transition.

Why do we isolate ourselves?

My research shows that 85% of people going through divorce isolate themselves from community, family, and friends. My clients speak of not wanting anyone to know what they are going through because they feel ashamed of being divorced. The resulting experience is that they feel alone and disconnected from the very things they complain of not having—connection! Support!

A decade of scientific research by scientists like Brene' Brown supports that shame is the reason we isolate ourselves and hide what's really going on. But, this only prolongs our suffering! What is shame? Brene' Brown describes it as "The fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?" Isn't that something?  Shame - the fear of disconnection, causes us to disconnect!  

Brene' goes on to explain that the underneath shame is a sense of not being good enough. Beneath this surface, she says is an "excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen."

It's normal to worry about what people think! If you haven't watched Brene's Ted Talk, watch it here!

Not one person I've worked with hasn't had a sense of fear about what people think about them, but in terms of being happy, it's wasted energy that is counter-productive to rebuilding a life for yourself after divorce and finding your way back into connection. Connecting with yourself will prove to be a cornerstone of your new life after divorce.

Keep reading...

For More On Divorce From YourTango:

 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Leila Reyes

Divorce Recovery Coach

Leila Reyes, CICP, is an international coach, workshop & Spiritual Divorce(tm) facilitator specializing in divorce recovery.  She can help you heal your heart, regain your power, and create a vibrant and fulfilling life after the shattering loss of your hopes and dreams.

Download your copy of her PDF Report: 7 Practices for Moving On

Location: San Anselmo, CA
Credentials: ACC
Other Articles/News by Leila Reyes:

10 Signs You're Married To A Narcissist

By

Is he perfect because HE thinks so? Being married to a narcissist can feel like you're in the relationship with Mr. Perfect, but not because he's perfect—although the relationship may have started off where you thought he was perfect.   In the beginning, it's normal to think abnormally highly of someone you're attracted to and ... Read more

Your Ex Cheated But It Doesn't Mean You Should Never Trust Again

By

Have you been deeply hurt by someone you completely trusted? In the midst of the betrayal, did you make a commitment to never trust again? A client's story... In her eighteenth year of marriage, Linda had a strange feeling that her husband was cheating on her. She couldn't put her finger on it, and she didn't really want to believe it so she ... Read more

You Really Can Be Happy After Divorce

By

I was unhappy! I was in a 23-year relationship and most of what I remember is how much I cried and wanted it to be different. I just knew that if he would change then I would be happy and until then, I was doomed to misery. I stayed hoping, wishing...and crying. Deep down I knew I was wasting my life force energy waiting for him. My refusal to trust myself ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular