The way you interpret the ending of your relationship determines what you create in the future.
"The way we feel about our divorce is a result of the interpretations we have made."
There is no other truth that is more powerful than knowing you have the power to choose how to interpret the painful events of your life. When you choose to look at your divorce as a catastrophic event or a catalyst for an even better life, you are choosing to focus on an outcome that you are likely to manifest. This fact can be devastating or empowering, and you get to choose that too.
Even quantum physics says nothing is created until it is first thought of in the mind. With this as a guiding principle, it is very important to become aware of our thoughts and the choices we are making, because within these interpretations we create our reality. You need to build a strong foundation in order for your thoughts to be positive one that will allow you to move forward.
I know of very few experiences that throw people off more than a relationship crisis. Rebuilding after divorce isn't a cake walk. Whether it's a betrayal, death or divorce (which feels like a death), you must rebuild from the ground up. Your interpretations of your circumstances are your foundation. Imagine rebuilding your life on the following beliefs , which are actually very common.
- I'm a failure
- I'm going to be alone forever
- I'm worthless
- I'll never have the relationship I want, so I might as well settle for what I have
What do you think you will create if you approach your future with those thoughts? Now, I'm not saying to pretend you're not having these thoughts, when you actually are. I'm saying that these are only thoughts and interpretations of the reasons for your loss. The good news is that you do have the power to choose your beliefs. This is a very important distinction and can change your life.
Rebuilding after divorce is absolutely necessary! What if you built your foundation on these thoughts:
- It's obvious that there's something better for me or this wouldn't be happening to me.
- I am worthy of copious amounts of love, respect and care so obviously I need to move on from this relationship because if I'm not getting what I need here I need to make myself available for it somewhere else.
- I am so excited to meet the next love of my life, because it only gets better from here.
A belief that "I am not ever going to find another partner," will leave you with a willingness to settle for less from your current partner (or other people in your life.) The mindset that you won't get what you want compels you to give into fears of taking risks, of letting go or of being alone.
How much better does that feel? No brainer, right? (I say that, but I also acknowledge it's not that easy.)
You get to choose in each moment!
I am guilty of making negative interpretations as much as the next person. It's okay as long as we recognize that we are creating through our thoughts, words and actions — and get the support we need to take the risks that will evolve us to the next level of co-creation. When you recognize you're making negative interpretations, then simply stop. Consciously choose an interpretation that empowers you to move forward in creating a life after your divorce that you can be excited about.
Below are three steps to a strong foundation. This could take some time because the old way of interpreting what is happing in your life could be like digging out the old footings that held your old foundation up. But you need an upgrade, baby! Be patient, compassionate and gentle with yourself as you learn to choose an empowered perspective for your circumstances. Try these three simple steps:
- Write down all the negative interpretations about your life, your partner, your work, etc. Get it all out! Don't hold back because your empowered future depends on this!
- Make a list of an alternate (empowered) interpretation for each one.
- Write a note to yourself that says: "What is an empowered interpretation?" and each time you find yourself thinking a negative interpretation, you're reminded of why you're doing this to begin with.
You can read about the Law of Choice in Debbie Ford's book, "Spiritual Divorce" or you can sign up here to receive information for my next online group study of Spiritual Divorce, so you can implement powerful spiritual laws of divorce in the presence of an online community and Spiritual Divorce coach.
For more divorce coach advice from YourTango:
- How To Divorce-Proof Your Marriage
- The Top 5 Mistakes That Lead To Divorce
- Dating After Divorce: What You Need To Know