Learn 10 attributes of a narcissist and what you should do if you're married to one!
Is he perfect because HE thinks so?
In the beginning, it's normal to think abnormally highly of someone you're attracted to and it's also normal for those feelings to fade as you get to know each other and reveal your imperfections to each other. This usually happens when you feel safe enough to let your guard down—you trust that the relationship will continue even when you're not perfect!
A narcissist won't let his guard down. If he presented himself in such a great light, but that light NEVER dims because he keeps the switch ON all-the-time, then you may be married to a narcissist!
Here are 10 warning signs that you may be married to a narcissist:
- He presents himself as having abnormally high self-esteem and confidence.
- You NEVER feel heard.
- Your partner has no awareness of how much he talks himself up to other people. He speaks about himself in a way that you know isn't completely accurate.
- He doesn't share in a truly vulnerable way.
- He justifies his actions as always being right.
- He has a very low tolerance for your mistakes. He is highly critical of what you say and do, but gets angry when you criticize him.
- He only seems happy when you reflect back his 'good' qualities.
- Your partner goes on the attack instead of being curious about potential new awarenesses that are brought to him.
- When you point out a mistake he get angry at you instead of listening to what your complaint is.
- He can't take responsibility for ANYTHING!
What Psychologists Say
Susan Whitbourne of Psychology Today discusses research showing that people who have an abnormally high self-acceptance actually have low self-esteem. Narcissism is born from low self-esteem.
What should I do if I discover I'm married to a narcissist
If you have a sinking feeling reading the top 10 ways to recognize if you’re married to a narcissist, then I know it’s bad news! But there is an answer!
My recommendation is that you RUN!
Run! Do not stop to look back. He’ll be fine! He won’t even think that your leaving has anything to do with him. He will simply think that you didn’t have what it takes to hang with him. RUN!
Run! And then what?
Here are a 3 simple things to look for as you’re entertaining a new partner and ensure that you don’t end up with another narcissistic freak.
1. He admits mistakes and can express empathy for yours.
2. He can take criticism, laugh at his imperfections and doesn't criticize you.
3. He listens deeply to you and you feel heard and cared for by him.
Narcissists simply can’t help themselves, but don’t be co-dependent trying to help them, okay? That will only drive you nutzo!
Leila Reyes, a relationship strategist is available for private 1:1 consultations, coaching, strategic alignment process, and group studies of Spiritual Divorce. Schedule your 20-minute consultation here.