How you can bring a smile back to your face, joy back into your heart, and love back into your life.
Divorce is often a depressing, dark, and loveless time for just about everyone going through it. The loss of a dream can create a deep sadness that is difficult to dig yourself out of. The failure of a marriage can bring about shame and cause you to isolate yourself out of fear of being judged. Change is inevitible as is the pain that accompanies unintended change, but suffering is 100% optional. Read on to learn how you can overcome the pain and be happy after divorce.
Brings A Smile To Your Face
Sadness is simply a feeling. It's an energy that you should let yourself feel. Feel it fully! It will serve you, but it won't serve you if you let it consume you. Consciously choose to smile. One thing you can do to bring about an energy shift is to notice the posture you're in when you're feeling sad and move your body into a more empowered position. Sadness lives in a curled up fetal position and it will have its way with you turning your sadness into depression, if you let it. Next time you're feeling sad (and probably victimized by your circumstances), move your body into the position of empowerment and notice how you feel like a winner.
- Stand up tall.
- Put your arms in the air reaching for the sky.
- Declare at the top of your lungs, "I'm depressed!"
Notice that it's impossible to "feel" depressed when your body is in an empowered position, and how you are more likely to smile when you're in this position declaring something that is so ridiculous to state from this empowered body positioning.
Joy! Joy! Joy!
If you're like most people, you don't want to put yourself out there very much after going through a divorce. Your fears might be running the show, insisting how you're going to be financially ruined, or that your kids lives are ruined, or that you will never find love again. That's bull$*2#! Your circumstances will change and with it, you will face new challenges. Some will be overwhelming, but you're going to be okay.
You might not see a happy life beyond your current situation, but you can take charge of your experience by choosing how you will respond to what's happening. You can cultivate joy and here's one way: give your faith equal time. Yup, it's that easy. The more victimized you feel by your divorce, the more you wil put faith in your fears that things won't work out for you. You must cultivate your faith by giving it equal time. Here are some ideas:
- Make a list of all the things that bring you joy, or have brought you joy in the past, or that you have always wanted to do but haven't.
- Take one joy-filled action each week — whether you want to or not.
Cultivating joy is like building a muscle. You might not know it's even there underneath all of your sadness, and it may take a while to start to feefl different. Don't give up! Contintue this practice until you notice yourself feeling joyful more often than sad. Then do it some more!
All You Need is Love
Going through a divorce is the time when you need to give yourself what you think you need to get from someone else. This is the time to be really good to yourself. Be gentle and kind. If you fill yourself up with your own love and appreciation, then you will move into a place of gratitude much more easily. You have a new life to create for yourself. And you can create it from several perspectives, each one giving you a distinct experience of your future.
Imagine what kind of life you will create if it's from a self-deprecating place? Or from an angry, resentful, and blaming place? Or from a place of self-love and nurturance? It's often necessary to work through negative emotions, especially if your confidence and self-esteem are shaken. I have an online free gift that can help you journal your way to self-love:
Receive your free online Reclaim Yourself After Divorce journal and write yourself into your new empowered life after divorce. Go to Leila's Community and request your free journal today!
More divoce coach advice from YourTango:
- Top 10 Causes of Divorce
- The Best Breakup And Divorce Advice On YourTango
- Dating After Divorce: 3 Pitfalls to Avoid