Alicia's dating history was nothing short of disastrous. As much as she wanted a great relationship, she found herself attracting—and being attracted to—men that had personality traits she didn't want... personality traits that left her feeling worried, anxious or insecure about where she stood in her relationship, or if her partner liked her as much as she did him.
She wanted a relationship that would make her heart sing, and make her beloved’s heart sing for her. She wanted the feeling of being in love every day. As she thought about having what she wanted, she could feel sensations of excitement, anticipation and optimism swirl through every cell in her body.
She knew that if she wanted to attract a different kind of guy, she needed to tell a different story. She needed to tell the story of what she wanted, and not of what she didn't want. She needed to place her attention and emotional energy on how she wanted to feel, and not on what she was afraid of re-experiencing again. She decided to make a list of all the things she felt would make up the sweetest love for her. As she sat down to write, all the enthusiasm she felt as she thought about the amazing relationship she wanted to have lost its magic.
Question: What happened here?
Answer: As Alicia started to think about what she wanted, she got lost in the emotional joy her dreams stirred up in her. In her joy she was in a state of Grace, where anything is possible and, unfortunately for most, including Alicia, it doesn't last. Why? Our fears snap us back to reality as we start reciting all the reasons why what we want is not possible, a reality that, whether we like it or not, will continue to repeat itself if we do not deliberately participate in creating something different.
This is what happened with Alicia. She started thinking about all the relationships she had that didn't work out, and felt a rush of despair come over her: "how could I make the next relationship different?"
Many women, like Alicia, want to create a sweetest love experience and, up until now, have not known how. If you want to attract the sweetest love you have ever known, the first step is to write the Sweetest Love Wish List.
Here are three tips to writing your list:
• Make a list of things that didn't feel good to you, or that you didn't like in past relationships, before writing all the things you want in a sweet love. Here's why. So often it is the things that hurt in the past that prevent us from creating something sweeter in our future. If this is the case for you, identifying the things you did not like will help you be more specific in identifying what you want instead of what you had. For some, this may not be enough to feel at peace about the situation, but it's a start. If there is someone specific whom you are having trouble forgiving, write his name down next to the situation or behavior. (In later articles, I will address more fully the power of forgiveness in attracting the sweetest love.) If you are in a relationship now that isn't going well, do the same thing; list what doesn't feel good about it and, next to each situation, what you want instead.