Has your relationship caused you pain and longing?


Has your relationship caused you pain and longing?
Vision your ideal relationship and create it for yourself.

Are you experiencing difficulties in a relationship? Are you wondering how things could ever improve? Has your relationship(s) caused you various levels of pain and longing?

This could be any relationship, whether it be with a family member, a partner, a co-worker, a boss or maybe even an entity or organization (i.e., the government or a lobby group, etc.). Whatever relationship you are suffering from, you'll want to keep reading to get some insight on what may be going on. If you haven't done so already, sign up for my free Miracle Mondays Meditations calls.


Some years ago, I had a difficult relationship with someone. Whenever I was on the phone or visiting this person, she always found something to criticize about me and my life. It got to the point that when I knew I was going to see or talk to her I would get anxious and angry, even weeks in advance. The more I started working on my issues, however, the more I realized that she was a reflection of me in terms of what I didn't like about myself. 

She was unconsciously expressing these things right back to me. She was simply a mirror to my lack of loving myself. Whenever you are looking for someone to give you the love that you are not willing to give to yourself, you create need. I certainly thought I needed her validation, which was an unfair expectation.

So, I asked the Universe to help me shift my perspective and to love myself and her at the same time. When I woke up the next morning I envisioned a technique of healing this relationship.

The truth is, you are whole and complete within yourself now. When you authentically love yourself, you begin to attract the type of relationships you yearn for, which is based on oneness rather than need. When you operate from this loving self, you are able to honor other's perspectives without arguing about their viewpoint or being attached to only your viewpoint. Different perspectives are just that—different, not wrong or right.

The result of healing a relationship with visualization like I did with this person was downright miraculous. Because I stayed focused on loving myself, not needing or expecting anything from her and visualizing what I wanted to experience, that next visit with her was fantastic!

She, without even being conscious of it, was mirroring the love and respect that I was feeling for myself. It was a wonderful visit filled with smiles and hugs.

Tamara's Tips:

  1. See what your relationships are reflecting back to you. It takes courage but it's so worth it. 
  2. Stop the "I'm right" and "You are wrong" mentality and be open to other people's point of view.
  3. Keep focusing on what you want in your relationship vs whatyou don't want or fear. What you focus on is what you continue to experience.

For More On Relationships From YourTango:

This article was originally published at Tamara Green. Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tamara Green

Social Worker

Tamara J. Green, LCSW
Loving Relationship Expert


Location: NY, NY
Credentials: LCSW
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