Work it out by talking it out.
The most common issue my clients face is struggling to communicate in their relationships. Communication is at the core of every relationship. Misunderstandings come up so frequently, making communication all the more challenging. How often do misunderstandings come up in your relationship?
A subscriber named Danny asked me to help him in addressing communication issues with his wife of 6 years. He complained that they're constantly having misunderstandings that lead to fights. Danny says he loves his wife but "cannot stand that their fights take up so much of his energy." He asked me how to improve communication with his wife so that they can prevent misunderstandings, or at least minimize them, to avoid arguments that are affecting their relationship.
I told Danny to set 30 minutes aside with his wife and structure weekly “prevention talks”. It’s important to select a time for your talk when you're not under a great deal of stress. When you and your partner are feeling calm and relaxed. Using structured communication isn't a magic formula — it's only a set of helpful guidelines allowing you to create safe boundaries within which you and your partner can confront and work through issues. It gives you two the opportunity to discuss issues more objectively where you can be less reactive as you examine the relationship. You want to focus the discussion on some of your arguments and what caused the misunderstandings.
Some discussion points for Danny are ...
1. What are their sensitive points?
2. What does his wife need that she feels she isn't getting? Often unresolved issues contribute to misunderstandings
3. What lingering feelings do they need to discuss, even if it came up before, that wasn't resolved?
4. What are ways in which they can shift how they're speaking to each other so that they can both feel heard and validated?
If you can set aside time to objectively discuss issues in your relationship, you'll be open to the possibility of understanding what your partner is going through emotionally. Such insight will be available for your partner to see in you. I suggest starting with allocating 30 minutes for these “prevention talks” on a weekly basis and then have them less frequently as your communication improves. These talks are essential and make a difference as you create a healthier relationship with your partner.
If you want a FREE audio and lesson on how to regain your temper and communicate with your partner click here.