Catch Your Kids Doing It Right- Appreciation Sets The Tone

One of the things I love about teaching families to have Family Meetings is Appreciations. Appreciations at the beginning of any meeting, set a tone of respect and friendliness. Families spend a lot of time talking about kid's chores and responsibilities. It is easy to fall into the trap of only noticing and commenting on what isn't getting done. If you would like to increase cooperation in your family try this:

For the next week, keep two tally sheets. One list holds a tally mark for every reminder or correction you made to your child. The other is a list of times you said "Thank you" or appreciated them for doing something they were supposed to do or being kind or helpful. (Watch out for backhanded compliments- "Thanks for finally picking up your dirty socks")

Amber likes to have friends over and bake cookies. They often forget to clean up, leave dishes in the family room and forget to put staples, like milk, on the grocery list when they use it all up. Her folks have had to remind her to do these things. She promises she will, but still forgets sometimes.

This week she baked a banana bread, cleaned up most of the dishes and told her mom they were out of bananas. Instead of reminding her that she didn't write it down and pointing out the bread pan in the sink, her mom said the following: "Amber, thanks for using up those bananas. You know how I hate to see stuff go to waste. And Honey, I appreciate that you and your friends cleaned up the kitchen today. It made it easy for us to get dinner going on time."

Later, her dad thanked her for the great snack she had made. Amber said "Sure!' then "Oh, I forgot to put bananas on the list." and went over to write it down.

Appreciations are a great way to encourage kids and adults to continue to improve. When people feel appreciated they naturally want to do more to help out and contribute. When we criticize, we help them to stay discouraged, want to give up, or they may feel misunderstood and hurt. Everyone wants to be recognized for what they do. Some people like a small comment or note. Others may prefer public appreciations.