You KNOW you're curious.
What does your masturbation fantasy reveal about you? Believe it or not, it is more illuminating than your average horoscope. Your masturbation fantasy reveals not only where your are on your sexual journey, but deeper aspects of your psyche that are starting to open up.
Here's what your masturbation fantasies REALLY mean:
1. You masturbate thinking about romance, kissing and gentle touch.
You are early in your sexual evolution and there are many things you haven't experienced yet. You are wanting to open yourself up to new sexual adventures, but fear is holding you back.
Only experience will open the doors of your imagination and allow your masturbation fantasy to evolve. Don't be afraid to say YES to new sexual experiences in your life in whatever form they arrive.
2. You imagine that you and your lover are different than you are in real life.
Your sexual energy is starting to break open as your real creativity begins to drive your sexual fantasies. You are no longer limited to being YOU in sex, and your partner is free to take on different forms as well.
You are discovering the creative elixir of sex through imagination and play. Sex can transport and transform you. Your lover can be older, younger, stronger, weaker, from the past or the future, or be any number of archetypes: a warrior, your boss, your prostitute — virtually anything!
As you make love to them in so many different ways you are discovering your own infinite and transient nature and are expanding your potential for what you can do and be this lifetime.
3. You masturbate thinking about the same-sex.
If you usually identify as heterosexual, you are exploring your natural bisexuality, and in it, your arousal and love for your OWN body and genitalia. Your sexual energy is open and flowing, and curiosity and desire are leading you down new and exciting roads.
You don't have to act on these feelings in your life to enjoy them in your world of fantasy. In exploring what you'd like to receive or do with this same-sex partner, you are exploring what you'd like to give and receive with yourself. You are uncovering aspects of your own psyche, body and sexuality that will take you to greater and greater realms of pleasure and self-awareness in your sexuality and your life.
4. You masturbate thinking about a threesome or an orgy.
You have evolved outside the culturally conditioned idea that sex happens between two people — congratulations! You are on your way to sexual enlightenment on the express train.
Discovering the arousal of receiving pleasure from more than one person or the excitement of being an observer connects you to the realm of sexuality outside that of ownership and jealousy. This level of consciousness reveals you are able to connect with your own inner and outer sexual abundance.
Observing sexuality is a powerful meditation that brings you completely into the present moment, or as some call it, connecting with the Divine. Including the element of the observer in your lovemaking brings more consciousness to sex.
5. You masturbate thinking about a loss of power or punishment.
Your sexuality has evolved into the realm of the shadow, and in that arena of your psyche you are exploring deeply what it means to be human.
Exploring powerlessness, punishment and other dark sides of humanity reveals that you are not afraid to look at your own darkness or that of others. In the same way that each day contains the the day and the night, we contain both the light and the dark, good and evil, wrong and right. By exploring our own duality, we more fully know and accept who we are.
The fact that you are not denying this side of yourself means that you are on your way to realization and self-actualization through your sexual fantasies.
6. You masturbate thinking about anal penetration.
You are in touch with what it means to not be in control and you are learning to surrender your fear and resistance. As tiny human beings in a huge universe, we think we need control to feel safe, but what we find in this particular fantasy is that when we surrender control, there is an infinite amount of pleasure and safety to be discovered in its wake.
Our anal sphincter, like all the sphincters in the body, cannot fake surrender. It is a perfect mirror for revealing whether or not we are able to let go and let life happen to us and through us.
Fantasies relating to the anus, the part of the body considered the most unclean, also reveal our capability for accepting ourselves and others. Deep acceptance of ourselves and others is the path to peace. If we can allow this most vulnerable part to be penetrated, we are on the road to truly accepting our humanity.
7. You don't have a masturbation fantasy.
You are shut down to your sexuality and it is time to open it back up! Reclaiming your sexuality begins with making time for masturbation and sexual fantasy. There are a lot of reasons we shut down our sexuality, but simply giving yourself permission to have it and making the time to cultivate it will start to open you up to things you never dreamed possible.
First discover if you feel drawn to masturbate in the morning, late afternoon or just before bed. Climb into bed naked, close your eyes and see what fantasies your mind has for you.
Who are you attracted to? Who gives you that tingly feeling? What feels forbidden to you? What would be really, really naughty? Touch yourself as you think about it.
Men are generally more familiar with how to touch themselves, so ladies, you want to gently rub your clitoris, pausing to slide your finger inside of yourself, and returning to rubbing your clitoris until you find the right rhythm that feels good. It can help to use your other hand to gently pull the skin on the front of your pelvis upwards, as this helps to lift your clitoral hood and can expose more of the sensitive external clitoris.
Orgasm is NOT the goal! Just explore your fantasies, your body and what brings you pleasure.
Masturbation is healthy, relaxing, immune boosting and good for your mental health. Plus, it is the foundation of a healthy sex life. So it doesn't matter what you fantasize about, just do it! Masturbation = self-love.
Lauren Brim is a sexual wellness coach and the author of "The New Rules of Sex" a roadmap to rediscovering your sexuality in a healthy and dynamic way. Book a coaching session at www.TheNewRulesofSex.com if hang-ups around sex are getting in the way of your super fabulous sex life.