Premature ejaculation affects 1 in 3 men, but don't worry, there are exercises to overcome it!
Hopefully you are reading the words 'premature ejaculation' and you have no idea what I'm talking about. If so, you are very lucky because premature ejaculation (PE) affects 1 out of 3 men, meaning 1 in 3 can't control their ejaculation and often climax in under a minute. I hope I don't have to tell you that women like sex to last longer than 60 seconds. Especially if they want to have an orgasm.
I know a lot about PE from my training in reproductive and sexual health and my work as a sexual wellness coach, but my real education came at a much higher price: from dating someone with it.
Dating a man with premature ejaculation:
Dating someone with PE was really difficult. When your partner ejaculates within seconds or minutes of penetrative sex, it makes it impossible to orgasm, or even relax and enjoy the sensations because you are so uptight about what's about to happen. Men with PE often try to last longer by concentrating on something other than sex, like sports or problems at work, so they can control their level of excitement. Not only this does not work, but while they are so focused on not ejaculating, they become less present, sex becomes more mechanical, and the woman enjoys the experience even less. Being with a man with PE is frustrating to the woman who can feel how close she is to sex and yet so far at the same time.
Sex is something I am very comfortable talking about. But PE in one of my personal relationships put everything I knew to the test. Men with PE obviously have shame and anxiety around it, so it is a very stressful thing to talk about. They can become defensive, blaming it on the woman, saying her standards are too high in bed, or go into denial saying they were just too excited that time (and the time before, and before . .) For me, like many women, a relationship without sex just isn't an option. And honestly the men aren't happy with this condition either. So luckily he sought out a solution.
There are exercises to treat PE:
Within weeks he was doing exercises to control his ejaculation reflex and the sex improved! And he kept practicing several times a day, and the sex got even better after that. Between Us Clinic has created The PE Program- an online system that includes a home exercise program to help the man develop an awareness of the feelings preceding ejaculation so he can control when he climaxes. The program even adjusts as you use it, via your online feedback, until you overcome your PE. Sound too good to be true? Well it's not. This is the exact same protocol a sexual therapist or coach (like me!) would give you but without the cost and sometimes embarrassing conversations! Between Us Clinic lets you do it all anonymously.
My boyfriend tried a few other things during the time when the PE was the worst. He used a numbing cream and condoms to dull the sensation and he even practiced at home with a sex toy. I tried to make very little noise during sex and to do the positions where he felt more in control of his ejaculation so he could build up his confidence, but the real improvement came when he regularly performed the exercises and got more control over his ejaculation. This really is the only solution, which is why sex therapists have used them with their patients for the last 45 years. It's a no-brainer.
Don’t let PE ruin your relationship:
As a sexual wellness coach for women, I see that there are a lot of women who aren't having the sex they could be having or want because their partner can't delay his ejaculation long enough for them to have one or more orgasms. And this is really not good for women, because having an orgasm releases a huge wave of chemicals that help heal, regenerate and calm the mind and body. Orgasm helps with everything from promoting anti-aging to lowering blood pressure, and sex helps us connect and reconnect with our partners, release the day's stress, and fill our hearts as we connect in sexual union.
PE is really difficult for men and their partners. It is very stressful to talk about, even between the best communicators, and often goes untreated. But in this digital age, there is a solution right at your fingertips! Being able to enjoy sex for long periods of time before ejaculating is part of the fun and pleasure of sex and great sex helps strengthen the relationship, even during the tough times. Let's end PE for all of us. Please? Because we all deserve soul-shattering, ecstasy-inducing, bed-rattling sex.
Lauren Brim is a sexual wellness coach and the author of "The New Rules of Sex" a roadmap to rediscovering your sexuality in a healthy and dynamic way. Book a coaching session at www.TheNewRulesofSex.com if you have hang-ups around sexuality that are getting in the way of your super, fabulous sex life!