Find out how fairy tales could be getting in the way of you finding love!
As women, we've been fed this fairy tale idea of romance where all we have to do is sleep beautifully, and some handsome prince will find us, awake us from our sad slumber, and love us forever. But real life doesn't work that way, and if you're ready and willing to find love, you have to put in your share of the work. That means approaching a guy if you're interested. Yes, approaching him!
Worried? Don't be. Here are the 6 reasons why it's a good idea for you to make a move now.
1) Men are insecure too.
In general, men have experienced rejection a lot more than women have. After all, they're the ones, according to the fairy tale, who have been taught to pursue. But they're humans too with insecurities and fears of rejection. Giving a little hint — sending an email, suggesting a night out — can perk him up and open his eyes to the possibilities of you.
2) You'll always wonder what if.
One of the women in my matchmaking network recently confessed to me that for the last 10 years, she had been secretly in love with her now married friend. When asked if she’'d ever made a move in the last decade before he married, she said no, and that she'd been afraid that their friendship would end had he rejected her. The harsh reality, though, is that she's been living in a bubble of unrequited love, which has prevented her from moving on. He might have rejected her ten years ago, but at least then she may have been able to move forward.
3) You'll drive yourself crazy living in a fantasy.
I met a woman recently who professed that she was in love with a man just based on his social media profiles, without ever having met him. A couple of pictures posted with his nieces, and she was convinced he'd be a great father. A status update about his favorite football team led her to fantasize about their lazy Sunday afternoons together during football season. She was too afraid to reach out, and this man barely had an idea she existed. If she had made a move early on, she could have discovered their chemistry in the early stages. But now, she's gone too far, and she can't separate the reality from her fantasy. Find out what's real as soon as you can, rather than dreaming of things that may never come to pass.
4) Time is of the essence.
If you don't make a move, some other girl might. You may be the better fit, but she positioned herself to be seen. Romantic comedies have led you to believe that in a room full of people, your radiance will draw him in, and he'll have eyes for no one else. But in real life, you're in charge of putting yourself in the right place at the right time. If you want him to notice you, make yourself be noticed. And do it now, before other opportunities beat you to it.
5) Love begets love.
It's that simple. People, including men, want to feel loved and valued, so you must be willing to show your interest. Playing hard-to-get is old and lame.
6) Get with the times.
As much as we've struggled to be on equal footing with men, there's still this idea that with dating, women take a back seat. We're past that — you don't have to play coy and wait. You're in control now.
This is all about not putting your life on hold and waiting for things to happen to you. You can make things happen for yourself. For some women I've worked with, they've lived in this fantasy that one day their whole lives will change, without them putting in any effort. And the next thing they know, time has passed and nothing has changed. An expression of interest, an invitation out, or your bold introduction — they're tiny changes that could alter your future forever. So make a move!