How Therapy Can Make You A Better Dater

Tired of kissing frogs? Therapy might just be your best bet.

By Laurel Steinberg — Written on Aug 22, 2012

How Therapy Can Make You A Better Dater [EXPERT]

Have you ever thought to yourself, 'I just can't stand dating anymore.' Are you completely fed up with going out to meet yet another potential dreamboat? If you are, then you may be suffering from Low Frustration Tolerance.

Low Frustration Tolerance is a term psychotherapists use to describe the mindset of people convinced that they can "no longer stand" or "can no longer bear" some aspect of their lives. When it comes to trying to find a mate, unsuccessfully dating frog after frog for what seems like forever can easily lead to Low Frustration Tolerance. This can escalate to the point of total withdrawal or the decision never to date again.

There are far too many single people out there who have simply given up. While dating is not a required part of life, it is ordinarily required to find a mate. So, if dating is required in order to find a mate and people decide that they can no longer stand the dating process, what will happen to their childhood fantasies of "living happily ever after," and of course "sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g." Online Dating: How To Weed Out Bad Matches

The thrill of the hunt can be an exciting adventure. Meeting and going out with interesting and attractive people, trying new restaurants, having a reason to dress up in your fanciest clothes and show how, smart, witty and caring you are can be. But, just how realistic is it not to realize that dating comes with a downside?

More often than not, dates do not turn out as we dreamed they would. Dating has been compared to one protracted job interview after another. But, this time both parties are doing the interviewing. Just as an employer can't hire everyone who applies for a job, you can't and wouldn't want to marry everyone you date. Everyone is looking for the needle in a haystack, the one to whom they feel a strong, immediate, sexual, emotional and intellectual connection. Searching through all that hay can be exhausting.

High expectations, dashed time and again by unfortunate mismatches can contribute to Discomfort Anxiety. Discomfort Anxiety is described by famed psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis, who created Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), as the belief that a person cannot stand discomfort, inconvenience, disappointment or denial of what they desire. He goes on to say that it is an irrational belief that leads to irrational behavior.

Obviously, someone who has experienced disappointment in dating doesn't enjoy the disappointment that can come along with it. But, is it really that bad, especially in comparison to things that are truly awful? It is so bad that you have to quit dating entirely? Online Dating: Should I Lie About My Age? [VIDEO]