Because that's really what we are talking about here — a whole different relationship moving forward, not just returning to the past, even when times were good. If that was our goal, the couple would just land back in the therapy office once the cycle went around again (and it would take a lot less time to cycle again). Instead, our mutual goal as a team is a new marriage, a new commitment to being known to the other person, and making the relationship a priority. Assessing each partner's commitment to this goal is the first step in couples' therapy.
What do you think? Have you been there? If so, what has helped? If you're there now, what's going on? I would love to hear from you, and I will do my best to respond to your comments. You can also email me at laurel(at)laurelfay(dot)com.
It can get better. It will be very difficult work, but I've seen it many times. Act now before the window of opportunity is closed!