What can you do? Try to see it from her point of view, and if there’s anything there at all in her perspective that you can agree with, go ahead and do so. I’m not saying blow smoke at her and agree with everything she says just to get intimate. I’ve got news for you: a woman can see that kind of arrogance a mile away, and it can only end in one of two (bad) ways for you. One, she gets even more angry that you are trying to manipulate her and the situation because she knows you are just offering empty bobble-head agreement to her complaints so you can have sex. Be forewarned – the effects of this ill-advised approach may backfire so badly that IT will become the new reason she doesn’t want to have sex with you (and you don’t need to give her any new reasons, do you?).
Two, she sees your false attempts at modesty and peace-making for what they really are (note this is the same as in scenario #1), but here she has sex with you anyway, because she cares about you. Now, this may seems like a win, right? Wrong. This is pity sex, obligation sex: “I will if I have to” sex. And though there can sometimes be a place for this type of intimacy (particularly in long-term relationships where there hasn’t been ANY sex for years, and some is needed just to get things moving, so to speak), in general this is not your best bet. Why? Because your woman is just playing along and going through the motions to keep peace and happiness – yours. It’s a sacrificial act. Kudos to her, but in the long term it will breed resentment and emotional distance, as she wonders if you even notice – or care! – that her heart is just not in it. It basically means you are getting the cheapest version of what you want – kind of like going to the dollar store for the newest iPad. Oh yes, they’ll have one, but is it the one you really want? Wouldn’t you rather have the real thing – a woman who wants and desires you, and is genuinely receptive and participatory in your sexual relationship? If you just said no, it might just be because you don’t know the difference yet – and yes, there is a big difference!
Number two: exhaustion. Men, I know you are rolling your eyes at this one, but the truth is we are tired. There’s a good reason why this is at the top of most women’s lists – it is REAL. And – forgive my bluntness – but, unlike men, who can look down at themselves and realize they are in the mood, we women need to be reminded that sex is a good thing. Our brains are our main sex organ, and on a typical day sex is the last thing on a busy woman’s mind, behind work, home, kids, money, the dog, and getting to the dry-cleaners before they close.