You don't know me and I don't know you, but I felt compelled to write you this letter. I am a marriage therapist, and though you haven't asked for my input, I'd like to give it to you as a wedding gift.
There's been a lot of buzz about your wedding. Kudos to you on both counts, by the way: one, from the glimpses I got flipping through the channels past ET and walking my cart through the grocery store, it looked beautiful. Of course with several million dollars worth of wedding contributions, it would be hard to screw that up! (LOL) Which brings me to my second kudo - you are indeed a shrewd businesswoman. I heard today that you probably didn't pay a cent for anything, and will most likely make money on your own wedding through TV specials, etc. Wow! You should think about going into wedding planning - seriously. I might call you myself if I ever renew my vows.
It's not the wedding itself that I wanted to talk about, though it's what prompted my letter. Basically, I'm worried about you. Believe me, I have alot of other things I could be worried about: did you hear, for instance, that we had an earthquake on the East Coast yesterday? I know you're probably used to it in California, but it was pretty scary for us out here. So, I could be worried about that, or about a million other things. But Kim dear, tonight you are on my list.
Why, you may ask? It does seem a bit silly to worry about someone like you, who at first glance has everything anyone could possibly want: beauty, fame, money, and now a handsome husband. But that's what I wanted to discuss.
Kim, the wedding looked spectacular. Now, it's over. And if you're anything like the rest of us, you might be having a little post-wedding letdown. Don't worry; it's totally normal. I'm sure a fabulous honeymoon in Bora Bora or Fiji or Antartica will help. But eventually, it's just you and him. So I wanted to offer you a little free advice. Take it or leave it, it's up to you - but it is given with the best of intentions. Here it is, five free tips for a happy and lasting union.
1. Concentrate on building your marriage with as much - or more! - effort as you spent on your wedding.
An oldie but a goodie, this is timeless advice. I hope you've heard it. A wedding - even a lavish, fabulous one - is one day, a snapshot, a moment in time. A real marriage (Britney Spears notwithstanding) lasts much longer than that, and takes much more work. Do everything you can as early in the marriage as possible to set up some guidelines, rituals, traditions - whatever you can to innoculate yourselves against the storms that will inevitably come. Expect them. Prepare for them (like I will be getting batteries and water this week; see earthquake reference above). Read some books (I can recommend some if you'd like; check out http://www.laurelfay.com), take a class, do whatever you have to do to learn how to really communicate, fight fair, and make up authentically. Remember that what's important isn't how it looks, but how it is behind closed doors (with no cameras rolling.) Speaking of cameras...
2. Keep it private.