Taming Your Inner Control Freak

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Taming Your Inner Control Freak
8 ways to deal with your inner control freak

Are you an emotional control freak? If you said yes, don’t worry you’re not alone.

Here are 8 ways you can tame your inner control freak so you can feel amazing, create a better relationship with yourself, and be attractive to others.

1. Stop being a people pleaser. People pleasing is a sneaky way to control your own emotions. You may be feeling angry at the expectations others are putting on you, but you control your anger just by saying yes. When you say no, it may feel awkward at first, but it actually frees you from controlling your emotions and what others think of you. People may actually like you more, not less, when you aren’t constantly people pleasing.

2. Engage in Conflict. Emotional control freaks will avoid conflict because it means that they are not only potentially disappointing someone but they are having to deal with their own emotions. These motions can actually be scarier to them than having an open discussion with someone. When we engaged in conflict we have to get comfortable with ourselves because we can’t control the outcome or how the other person will react.

3. Advocate For Your Needs. Emotional control freaks will not speak up for themselves, they will put the needs of everyone else ahead of them, with the thought of "it’s really not that big of a deal". Putting your needs aside means you are not nurturing your emotional health. You're deciding you deserve very little, because admitting that you need something may make you weak to others.

4. Be mindful of your body. Our body responds to emotional control with physical stress. You might not feel it in the moment, but later on in the day you might experience digestive issues or muscle tension. Being an emotional control freak is a habit, in order to break a habit you need to become aware of when it’s happening and how your body is responding. Focus more on trying to relax a instead of over analyzing every situation.

5. Recognize Your Emotions. Do you find yourself crying randomly? Chances are you are not recognizing your emotions in the present moment. Emotional control freaks stuff in all of their feelings, it's like a bottle of soda that sits under pressure for too long, you unscrew it a little and it explodes. You are not overemotional, chances are you’ve been stuffing in some feelings and not resolving them so your tears are a form of release.

6.Express Your Emotions. There is no better time than the present if a feeling or emotion arises, allow yourself to acknowledge it. I understand you can’t go full on bat shit crazy in public when you find out some pretty awful news from your boyfriend, but you can acknowledge your anger or sadness. You can then give it space and a promise to visit with it later; which could include beating the heck out of the pillow.

7. Break Free Of The Worry Wheel.  Ever hear the phrase "worrying is like praying for what you don’t want to happen"? Emotional control freaks were worried incessantly. They are worried about what they just said, how they look, and how the world perceives them. They worry about every detail of their lives because worrying makes them feel in control. If they worry,   their focus is on controlling their emotions and not feeling their true feelings. If you recognize that it's actually fear that you’re experiencing and the emotions that you have around it, you’'l be much better equipped to step away from worry and into an intuition—based decision—making process. This process will allow you to identify your emotion, feel that emotion, make a decision, and then take action. As you see there’s no place for worry because you’re not controlling. Worrying and anxiety never step forward to take responsibility. It's just a way to micromanage everything in your life including your emotions.

8. Silence Your Perfectionist. Part of being an emotional control freak is that you care way too much about what others think. You're controlling your emotions because what would people think of you if you had strong emotions? Aren't you supposed to know what to do say and how to be at every moment? If they find fault in you, that would somehow make you less of a person. Being vulnerable feels like that, because emotional control freaks create imaginary harsh consequences for imperfection. When you learn to silence the stupidity of your perfectionist and allow yourself to be human by experiencing yourself as you are right now, you are free. When you are free, people like you much better than when you were perfect.

Are you looking for ways to calm your body and stop an overactive mind? You can find them in my e-book Listening to Your Gut: Connect With Your Body and Get IBS Relief

Read more how to be happy with yourself advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

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