Dating After Divorce? Don’t Make These Mistakes!

By

Dating After Divorce? Don’t Make These Mistakes!
Avoid these dating minefields to make it fun and easy instead!

Jumping back into the dating pool after a divorce is daunting. It takes time to mourn the death of a marriage and recover from the post-traumatic stress disorder that is inherent in the divorce process. I had never been a serial dater before my marriage, so the idea of getting back out there after this all time was incredibly intimidating. And the dating world had changed completely with online dating, speed dating, meetups, etc. When I thought about it though, I realized that I needed to shift my perspective. I had just survived an incredibly long, incredibly expensive divorce. If I could handle that, then learning to navigate the new dating world would be a piece of cake in comparison. And rather than think of it as a war zone studded with land mines, I could see it as a playground full of fun and new experiences. And it can be … if you remember that dating is about YOU and NOT the other person.

Avoid these common mistakes to create a better dating experience:

Giving Away Too Much, Too Soon
Your safety and privacy are important. So, don’t share personal details about yourself and your family too soon. Make sure that the person you are dating is completely trustworthy first.  Use apps like Been Verified to check out your date before you meet and always make sure that someone else knows who you are meeting and where. Your trust is a gift. It needs to be earned. So, don’t give it away for free. And don’t unload your past relationship horror stories on the first date or rush forward too fast. Enjoy this new beginning. Create some mystery about yourself that wants your date wanting more. If you rush forward too fast, you’ll be missing all those magical moments that are happening right now.

Forgetting Your Self-Esteem At Home
Your divorce might have knocked you down, but don’t let that bleed into the new life you are trying to create for yourself. Remember, people will treat you the way YOU treat you. So, if you don’t respect yourself, then your date won’t either. Love yourself first. You don’t need anyone else’s validation. And when you insist on being treated with respect, kindness and compassion, you will attract those types of people to you. You are a gift. Never forget it. And having that kind of confidence and respect for yourself is damn sexy!

Creating Unrealistic Expectations
Who doesn’t love that giddy feeling when you’re getting ready to go out on a date? It’s nervousness and excitement all wrapped up together. Unfortunately, those feelings can sometimes encourage you to rush forward and start creating expectations about what this person could mean for you in the future. Instead of just enjoying the moment, you’re distracted by the incessant question in your head of “Is he the one?” Does it matter? No, it doesn’t. Your goal in this dating process is to have fun, meet new people and create new connections. If there is spark, then great. But you need to take this one step at a time … without expectation. There’s no rush. Enjoy the ride.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Laura Miolla

Divorce Coach

Laura Miolla

MoxieLife -- Coaching for a Fearless Life Before, During and After Divorce

laura@moxelifecoach.com

www.moxielifecoach.com

Location: Amesbury, MA
Credentials: ACC, CPCC, MA
Other Articles/News by Laura Miolla:

Surprise! Women, Not Men, Are The Big Financial Losers In Divorce

By

Zsa Zsa Gabor shaped an entire generation's idea of women and divorce when she said "He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house."  Even today, there is still a prevailing social opinion that the court system favors women in divorce. We've all heard the same stories of that co-worker's second cousin's cousin who got ... Read more

What Are You Saying Yes To In Your Divorce?

By

Divorce is a traumatic event. It represents the loss of a marriage, a partnership, an ideal and the Disney "happily ever after" that was automatically supposed to come with the wedding ring. Regardless of who initiated the divorce, there is anger, hurt, sadness and confusion. And the divorce process only intensifies those dark feelings. The person you ... Read more

6 Things You Need To Know About Divorce Mediation

By

I recently attended a 40-hour divorce mediation training. Forty hours is the requirement in my state to practice as a divorce mediator. That’s not why I did it though. As a divorce coach, many of my clients are going through mediation and I wanted to support them as best as possible during the process. I truly believe that mediation is a better way to ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.