3. What You Don’t Like About Your Partner Is Just As Important As What You Do Like
The old adage is true. Whatever you don’t like about your potential partner or their habits will only get worse after the wedding. Sweeping these little annoyances under the carpet in a pre-wedding glow of optimism will not serve you. Everyone knows that communication is one of the keys to a successful relationship. So, let’s be real and honest in acknowledging what we don’t like about each other before agreeing to a life-long commitment. No one is perfect. Really know your potential partner for who they are and not just what you would like them to be. If you can’t learn to love or, at best, accept those flaws about your partner, then you might want to re-think spending your life with them. Almost everyone I have coached going through a divorce can look back and identify the red flags that should have sent them running in the opposite direction. The seeds are planted here, but you need the courage to see them to make better decisions for yourself.
4. The Real You Is A Gift
No one is perfect – even you. Sharing your authentic self with your partner is a great gift and provides crucial information about whether your match will stand the test of time. So, no matter how embarrassing some of your personal habits might be, it is better to have them known by your partner now, rather than after you’re married. If this is the person you love – and who loves you just as much – there won’t be any negative judgment. And if there IS negative judgment, then this probably isn’t the right person for you. The person you decide to spend the rest of your life will love and appreciate everything about you, without any desire to change who you really are.
5. Shared Values Are Key to Successful Long-Term Relationships
Typical causes for divorce usually revolve around money, communication, and expectations – all superficial symptoms of misaligned values. Our values – like integrity, respect, family, love, achievement -- are immensely important. There are a few core values though, the ones that are most important, that determine how we view the world; how we think and act. And yet, when asked, very few people can name what their core values actually are, let alone what their partner’s might be. That’s the thing. Our values are unique to each of us and yet, even though we don’t acknowledge them, we assume that everyone shares our values – that they will think and act the way we do. That assumption causes huge misunderstandings and feelings of hurt and betrayal. When partners don’t know their values, they can’t know if they share the same outlook in life. And if they don’t share the same core values, they are potentially heading down two different paths in life.