6 Things You Need To Know About Divorce Mediation

By

6 Things You Need To Know About Divorce Mediation
If you’re getting divorced, here’s what you need to know about mediation that no one tells you.

I recently attended a 40-hour divorce mediation training. Forty hours is the requirement in my state to practice as a divorce mediator. That’s not why I did it though. As a divorce coach, many of my clients are going through mediation and I wanted to support them as best as possible during the process. I truly believe that mediation is a better way to “do” divorce. And I believe that because I walked out of my first mediation meeting and never went back.

I had to learn the hard way that mediation was the kinder, gentler version of what we think of when we think of divorce. Don’t get me wrong. Mediation is still an emotional rollercoaster, but with mediation, you’re on the kiddie version versus The Tower of Terror. And like the kiddie rollercoaster, mediation feels slow, but it’s a much shorter ride and significantly less expensive than going through lawyers. I know now that walking out of mediation was the worst mistake I made in my divorce. Instead of going through a 3 – 6 month mediation process, my divorce took 2 years. And mediation would have cost me approximately $5,000 (in my state) versus the $45,000 that my lawyers cleaned out of my Roth IRA. Yes, clearly the worst mistake – but I didn’t know anything  about mediation and no one gave me the information I needed (including the mediator I had hired) to help me make a better decision.

So, here is what YOU need to know about divorce mediation to help you make better decisions. Don’t make the mistake I did!

1. Mediation Is The Best Option
A generation ago, there were only two ways to get divorced and both involved lawyers. Today, there are actually 4 paths you can take to get divorced. Litigation is the one most people think of. A litigated trial is the Kramer vs Kramer version where lawyers are battling it out in a court room. Litigation is the bread and butter of divorce attorneys because it can take years for the case to go to trial, all at a hefty billable rate. A friend of mine went through a litigated divorce trial – in his case, it took 9 days in court and over a million dollars to get divorced. AND both parties were at the mercy of what the judge decided. Crazy, right?  Clearly, the cases that get litigated are indicative of high emotion and a willingness to sacrifice the future (and a ton of money) over hurt from the past. The next most common divorce option is using your respective lawyers to negotiate an agreement. Again, this option can drag on a lot longer and cost a lot more than you’d like. Additionally, you are relying on your attorney to get you the best deal, which of course, they are happy to do -- at their own pace -- at $500/hour. The negotiation is largely out of your hands as both attorneys are negotiating an agreement based on their experience of what a court will consider “usual.” And of course, the court system tries to drive everything to a happy medium, even if it is completely unsatisfactory to both parties. Another option gaining more popularity today is collaborative divorce.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Laura Miolla

Divorce Coach

Laura Miolla

MoxieLife -- Coaching for a Fearless Life Before, During and After Divorce

laura@moxelifecoach.com

www.moxielifecoach.com

Location: Amesbury, MA
Credentials: ACC, CPCC, MA
Other Articles/News by Laura Miolla:

Surprise! Women, Not Men, Are The Big Financial Losers In Divorce

By

Zsa Zsa Gabor shaped an entire generation's idea of women and divorce when she said "He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house."  Even today, there is still a prevailing social opinion that the court system favors women in divorce. We've all heard the same stories of that co-worker's second cousin's cousin who got ... Read more

What Are You Saying Yes To In Your Divorce?

By

Divorce is a traumatic event. It represents the loss of a marriage, a partnership, an ideal and the Disney "happily ever after" that was automatically supposed to come with the wedding ring. Regardless of who initiated the divorce, there is anger, hurt, sadness and confusion. And the divorce process only intensifies those dark feelings. The person you ... Read more

When Does Cheating Lead To Divorce?

By

Cheating represents a need that isn't being met in the relationship at home – an ego boost, self-validation, self-exploration or even just physical intimacy. And cheating is rampant in our society. Forty-one percent of U.S. marriages are characterized by infidelity from one or both spouses. Culturally, we assume that infidelity is a symptom of an ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular