Has what you learned as a child changed your personal 'life story'?
We all have an inner and an outer story, whether you are aware of it or not. Our story is a powerful influence on the way we live our lives: whether it is mostly full and passionate or leaves us feeling that something important is missing. The story is generally formed around a cluster of core beliefs, passed down to us when we are very young by members of "our tribe", i.e. family.
We like sponges absorb everything, as if it were the truth. We are not old enough to question, when this happens as we are too young to reason or express. The beliefs of others influence us significantly, whether we are aware of them or not. If we were lucky, what was passed down was not too damaging, but, for most of us, some of these beliefs have cost us dearly. One's tendency to identify with the inner story, which is usually unconscious, influences us greatly as to how we live in the present.
Sometimes the story may go as follows. No matter what I do, it's never enough. So one pushes oneself more and more, while at the same time believing, it won't matter, it won't be enough. This story or life script is a familiar one to me as a psychotherapist. It is usually instilled in the child's unconscious by exacting, critical parents or teachers. Other familiar story lines go as follows;" everyone I love leaves me it’s my fault, if I had been a good girl, they would not have quarreled, being violent, or divorced etc,".
If the patterns that the core beliefs cause are deep and persistently interfering in your life, it’s important that you consider psychotherapy to root them out. In such situations, I use several techniques in addition to talk therapy to hasten the healing. I use hypnotherapy, guided imagery, breath work, as well as accessing the inner child for healing purposes. All of these methods access the unconscious, where the client’s story is rooted.
Freeing up from your story:
When you live your life, as if your story is true, you unwittingly create situations that replicate the original belief system. Following is an example of early influence in a client's life, I'll call Milly ... Raised by a controlling inflexible father, whom she could not please, she found herself struggling with many male figures to whom she gave authority. Milly over the years over- extended herself to please them, and generally was left feeling it's not enough which at a deeper level translates as "I'm not enough." This feeling of "not enoughness" created problems for Milly in relationships whether romantic, friend or work related.
We believe our own 'story', and as a result we don't seem to realize that the illusion we are under is like living in a deep pervasive fog. It's a real struggle to see with clarity where the arrows of our life are pointing. We go the way we are pointed, often the way is one of illusion, given us by others. If your story isn't working for you, it's time to examine what it really is, not what you would like it to be. We have to accept that we can't change the past, but what we choose to do right now will change our lives as we go forward, for better or for worse.
What is your story around money, religion, God, weight issues, relationships, ageing, health etc.?
- Begin by stopping to reflect.
- What you bring your attention to has power to transform you.
- Will you start today?
No day will be better than today!
Laura’s “Overcome Obstacles and Have an Incredible Life“ offers boundless guidance, addresses doubts, fears and uncertainties that may be keeping you stuck and wondering if you have missed your chance to be happy. You have not! Read or hear more at www.laurabyoung.com
This article was originally published at http://laurabyoung.com/. Reprinted with permission from the author.