Give up the illusions that life offers. Realize that life isn't perfect. Find the joy in it.
Some mornings when I go for my walk, it's not quite daylight. There is just enough light from the rising sun to see where I'm going in the early morning fog.
Although I'm on a familiar path, there are times when something up ahead looks eerily different and alarming. When I get abreast of what looked like a crouching feral animal, I see it is no more than an old rotting tree stump, changing shapes in the semi darkness. I relax and continue on the path. Something rustles fiercely in the woods. I'm sure it's a bobcat. But once again I'm relieved that it is just a rabbit or a herd of deer running away from me. At such times Joni Mitchell's song, "Both Sides Now," comes to me loud and clear. I wonder how much of what we believe, is based on illusion.
You know my early morning illusions are just a metaphor for the many areas of our lives where we believe the illusion is the real deal. We cling to the familiarity of it because it's the devil we know, rather than examine the true nature of reality. We live in a world where there is no perfection and events are not predictable. The more one tries to control events, the more rigid and the smaller that person's world becomes.
Have you noticed how fragile and fearful control freaks are when they have to face a crisis? Such people have an illusion of self esteem. They may have the veneer of worldly success, but underneath are often dissatisfied anxious or depressed. So they project an illusion of control rather than subject themselves and others to the truth of deep inner feelings of inadequacy.
What is the truth? Nothing is static or fixed. Life isn't always going to go our way. Adverse events happen in everybody's life. These events do not mean something is wrong with you or you are being punished by an angry God.
We are conditioned in our culture to seek comfort and avoid discomfort. Our culture denies the nature of reality and we buy the story line as if it were the truth. The story goes as follows: It is possible to live in an ideal world where things come easily and unpleasant experiences can be avoided. It also suggests if your life is not ideal, there is something wrong with you.
The media, through powerful marketing, portrays others who never have to deal with adversity of daily living. They are presented as physically perfect, never lacking love or companionship. They are confident and secure within themselves.
We are pressured to look a certain way, buy certain products so we can be more like this group who seem to have few inconveniences in their life. If we live this "ideal life," our children will be beautiful and smart. We will have no health, relationship or financial struggles. Our self esteem will always be high.
When things go awry, as they will, some people believe its some kind of punishment. They believe if only they had tried harder, everybody would be happy. If we put our real lives next to this illusion of perfectionism, what would we see?
If we compare our lives to a snapshot of an ideal, frozen in time, we see ourselves pitiful. Note I said frozen; there is no life in it. Once it moves past the point of the still image, it changes. On the other hand, the images of our real lives look more like this — worry about the future, children who don't behave and wrinkles before our time. We have fears of change, fears of success, fears of failure, financial problems and an uncertain future. These are a few of the realities that we are saddled with on our way to the elusive thing we are promised.
There are ways out of the loop...
We learn as we go. There is no time when things will be just right. Notice how we believe that things will be better when we lose ten pounds, get the children out of college, retire etc. The old "working until" promise. Lets get real! Whose life works that smoothly? The real problem is the belief about life being, without pain, suffering, adversities, disappointments and all the inherent struggles. What this belief really does is keep us from living in our own rich, messy ways and embracing it all.
Life is as Zorba the Greek referred to it when a young man asked him if he was married. Zorba said, "Oh yes! I am. I have a wife, kids, bills, the full catastrophe." Illusion is an image, dead and superficial. I see life as having parallel tracks. On one side, adverse events and on the other side, love, joy and creativity. There is no choice. If we give up the illusion, we have to deal with both sides of the tracks and accept what is. We don't have to like it. We just have to accept such is the true nature of reality.
Living more authentically means changing beliefs that no longer work.
You need a set of tools to aid you in working through negative events and a belief in yourself that pulls you forward when times are hard. In every crisis, there is an opportunity for us to grow. Whatever repetitively and negatively shows up in our lives needs to be examined. Such events are for our growing and stretching. They teach us something very important that we need to learn and if necessary, change or accept.
See life's struggles through the lens of spiritual expansion and higher meaning.
Realize to be alive is to feel uncertain. If we don't grasp too tightly to the little eddies of security, there will be the parallel track of awe, wonder, joy and curiosity. When you know this, you won't buy the illusion. You will know that you are the sky, the constant, and everything else represents the clouds — always changing. Sometimes they are gray, gloomy and dreary. Other times, they are white fluffy and hopeful.
Laura’s “Overcome Obstacles and Have an Incredible Life“ offers boundless guidance, addresses doubts, fears and uncertainties that may be keeping you stuck and wondering if you have missed your chance to be happy. You have not! Read or hear more at www.laurabyoung.com
This article was originally published at www.laurabyoung.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.