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‘Sharon’ (not her real name) thought her thirty-five year marriage was going along just fine when her husband suddenly asked for a divorce. She was blindsided. Their relationship was far from perfect, but she had made peace with their differences. She was in it for life. When she found out he was having an affair, she felt foolish and angry. “How dare he leave me for another woman? And why didn’t I see this coming?”
A year after her divorce, she came to me to help her get back into the dating scene. She had no idea where to begin. Her last date was 40 years ago! How does someone even date in the 21st century?
I guided her through my proven program for online dating success and wrote her online profile essay. I love capturing a person’s essence and making it sound like they wrote it themselves. I wanted the right guy to read Sharon’s profile and think, “I have to meet this amazing woman!”
I sent off the first draft, and five minutes later, Sharon called.
“Sandy, this is your calling. I felt like you really captured me. I had tears streaming down my face as I read the essays that you wrote. I want to date me!”
I was thrilled! Next, I asked her to make a list of the qualities in a man that she wanted to attract. She made a list of … 38 items! I asked her to narrow it down to three. “Why?” she asked. “Because it’s easier to filter your dates through three requirements than 38. Pick the most essential three, the ones you couldn’t live without. If they were missing, you’d get divorced.”
After only a few moments, she came up with her three: financially stable, emotionally mature, and intellectually curious. I would have to agree with her. They’re my top three, too.
Looks can fade, romance waxes and wanes. Your list should reflect the qualities you hope to have in your relationship as you pass the years together.
After many dates with men who were not her match, Sharon finally met a guy who had all 38 qualities on her original list! She is in love for the first time in her life. She can’t believe she was willing to tolerate a marriage with a husband who didn’t value or ‘get’ her. She had no idea a love like this was possible until she met ‘Rob’ (not his real name). They’ve been together for 2 ½ years now, and their love keeps growing stronger.
If Sharon can find love for the first time in sixties, you can find the love of your life in midlife, too. Please don’t give up on love. If you follow my coaching guidelines, you, too, can find epic love after 40.
For a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.
Want to experience private group coaching at a fraction of the cost? Check out the Last First Date Inner Circle! Monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40, a private forum for women to connect and share their experiences and much more, all at a very low price. Check it out here.
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Jackie (not her real name) came to me after a 17-year loveless marriage. In fact, she confessed that she had never really been in love. She chose men who were safe, men who wouldn’t hurt her. As a result, she had closed her heart to the possibility of true love, and her marriage was lonely and sad. The worst part was it was far from safe; her ex was disrespectful, self-centered, and unreliable.
But, Jackie was grateful for the gift of the marriage, her three beautiful daughters. She wanted them to seek out healthy loving relationships. If she could find love and model a great relationship, it would also have a positive effect on them. Many women feel that their divorce has left their children with no clue as to what a good relationship looks like. They fear that their kids will make the same mistakes. That’s why Jackie wanted to find love for herself and for the future of her daughters.
Through our work together, Jackie came to value all that she brings to a relationship. She became a ‘high value’ woman, a woman who knows her standards and how she wants to be treated in every relationship. She learned that every guy (no matter how seemingly fantastic) might not be for her. And she learned to communicate her needs without nagging or pushing men away.
She did find someone amazing on Plenty of Fish, and continued to work with me to ensure that she continued to value herself first and be an awesome girlfriend second. This has made her boyfriend value her even more.
They’ve already worked through some pretty big bumps in the road. In the past, Jackie would have run away from both intimacy and conflict. With my help, she has embraced her vulnerability and fallen in love for the first time in her life.
Jackie says, “The universe provided me with a gift by putting Sandy on my path.”
She has been a gift to me as well. There’s nothing that makes me happier than helping someone find love and sustain a healthy, happy, loving relationship. I’m thrilled for her! Congratulations for finding love for the first time – in her 40′s. And I have a little secret…she has hinted that he’s about to propose. I’ll keep you posted!