If this is what’s going on with your sweetheart, then they aren’t getting unconditional love from their family which means they may not be giving it to themselves and in turn you aren’t getting it either.
There is only one way to change things. You partner must become strong enough and certain enough to proclaim their love. Only then will they be free to be themselves and ONLY then will you have an opportunity to create a truly loving partnership of your own.
If this isn’t happening, then no doubt there are other issues that you either have to uncover, or you need to honor yourself and make the hard decision to break things off.
Is there a softer course of action then calling it quits?
There might be but it means diving in and finding out what both of you need to feel safe, loved and fulfilled in the relationship. You will likely discover some major mismatches.
Just know that if you choose to continue, for this to be healthy both of you have to make sure your core needs are met. This requires a mature an emotionally intimate convertsation.
Also, be prepared because when your partner can proclaim to their family and the world:
“I am truly in love. This is the one I want to be with for now and as long as we can love and support our relationship”— you‘ll need to step up to the plate ready to be in a fully committed partnership.
If you’re in a relationship that seems not to be growing and deepening, take this “Tell the Parents” test.
The answer to your concerns will become immediately obvious.