Single Parents Beware!


Single Parents Beware!
Your legacy may be your child’s mental, emotional and economic demise.

There it was, absolutely clear, our greatest challenge begins with the emotional scaring from our childhood. It’s not just ours, but also our parents and their parents.

Our parents legacy and soon to be our own are unresolved wounds and traumas that result in false intimacy and blame and resentment that have us masterfully hiding or running from ourselves.

First: We need to look honestly at the cause without judgment.

Second: We need to put more emphasis at identifying and accepting our childhood challenges. Not as a permanent imprint, but as the source of our discontent, broken dreams and illusions of good parenting.

To change this we need to realize we are not shamefully damged goods!  We are not inherently uneducated, ignorant or an emotionally or physically unhealthy person. Our actions are the result of our environment and not our inherent abilities as human beings.

Robert Burney M.A. said it best in his Internet post Fear of IntimacyA must read for all of us… multiple times!

"As long as we are reacting unconsciously to our childhood emotional wounds and intellectual programming, we keep repeating the patterns.  We keep getting involved with unavailable people.  We keep setting ourselves up to be abandoned, betrayed and rejected.  We keep looking for love in all the wrong places, in all the wrong faces...”

We send our soldiers overseas to battle and die for debatable causes. We are raised to be soldiers of our environment, approaching life strategically looking for opportunities and carefully avoiding disasters. This is the outer work and the task is complex for sure!

We have not been raised to be worriers of our internal beliefs and self worth. We are rarely if ever taught to be proud and brave and willing to take risks with our emotions and self-doubts.

We are most often raised by a single parent or a mother and father that don’t get along, and whom rarely if ever express love nor show us signs of co-creation and bliss. Pain and shame is all around us, so we decide it is us.

We need to fight a HEALTHY inner battle that begins with the proclomation that "'M NOT BROKEN!" and then exile anything that would have us believe otherwise.

We need to wake up and realize that single parenting is NOT a solution. Either is parenting by mothers and fathers in co-dependent dysfunctional marriages.

These are sure paths to more unhealthy inequality among men and women, false securities and depreciating self worth. More troubled and confused children, more uneducated men and heap of enormous financial challenges ahead.

Our focus needs to be on achieving levels of intimacy together and looking at our relationships as committed partnerships, which are created with an understanding of our core needs and desires and a fearless willingness to state them.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

*Larry Michel*

Marriage/Couples Counselor

Come from a place of unconditional love—seek to see before you seek to be seen.

Location: Encinitas, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Matchmaking
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