Sexual addiction can be a double edged sword—a mask to deeper issues or a way to deeper intimacy.
I don’t have an addictive personality. I’ve dabbled in just about everything. I’ve smoked, gambled, tried any number of substances, but I’ve never been hooked on any of them so badly that I couldn’t stop. I consider myself fortunate.
But there is one thing that is a total contradiction to what I have just professed. Sex!
I find sex to be the most intoxicating addictive activity ever. You know this if you have ever had a great lover. Starting with kissing. Have you ever had a kiss that was so sensitive, so passionate and so consuming that you forgot where you were? And how about the texture and contour of your lover’s body? Have you ever become so aware of every curve, line, crevice and the spectrum of sensitivity that you could close your eyes and travel in physical bliss through the memory? How about smells and tastes. Dare we even go there? Absolutely! And last, sacred union—those nearly indescribable moments of traveling in orgasmic co-creation, looking into each other’s eyes to the depths of your souls and breathing life into and with each other. Mmmmmmm! It’s no wonder sex can be so addictive. Who wouldn’t want that?
Unfortunately, as in any addiction there is a catch. When things shift in a relationship or you discover that perhaps outside of sex there are other needs that are not being met, it can be very difficult to let go. In fact when sex is so damn good that it has become an addiction, you may go along time before you even notice other important things may be missing.
I for one don’t want to experience any less than the sexual ecstasy I described. But I also don’t want to find myself in a relationship totally dependent on sex or blind to other life and love supporting needs. After years of trial and error I think I have found the ultimate reality check for addiction and obsession versus a true loving connection.
If the intoxication is purely physical, meaning your vision, tastes and physical sensations are where your mind takes you whenever you think about your lover, then you are on the track of a sexual addict.
If on the other hand the intoxication is truly in the heart, meaning when you recall your sexual experiences you are led into those memories through your heart and not your head and the experiences of the body are secondary, now you’ve got something very real, and if returned, very beautiful and spiritual.
CAVEAT: If you have come out of a relationship and find yourself recalling all the amazing physical intimate moments you shared, perhaps this was a relationship that simply had to take its course, but was not the love you are destined for.