From Fantasy to Reality – Love in the NOW
In Part I you discovered that Chemistry is a very real phenomenon that can last a lifetime, but seldom does because other relationship factors come into play. You also found out that half the population is misguided; hence one of the reasons for our ridiculously high divorce rates.
In Part II you realized that you’re hard-wired to be attracted to certain people and you can let go now of resentments, blame, guilt and shame and start with the most important first step LOVING YOURSELF.
In Part III we learned what happens when we have True or False Attractions and what we can do about it. We got a clear answer about how to decide when to have sex. And we learned that there is a big difference between fantasizing about your life versus discovering that your life far exceeds anything you could have constructed.
In Part IV you are going to find out that no matter whether your attractions are True or False, there’s a better course of action than following your chemistry, which can result in a true abiding love.
True love does not exist in our personal fantasies. It does not exist in our projections of the future, nor does it exist in the pain and suffering we hold onto from the past in the form of guilt, resentment, blame or shame.
To get into the present, into the NOW, where love is real you must start off on the right foot. Absolutely step number one begins with loving yourself. Yes, that includes every flaw you may have. Drop all your stories. Stand in front of the mirror and say hello to your BFF. Say, “I love you” and mean it. Don’t wait, do it now. Well done!
Next, and this is where most relationship experts all agree—at the beginning of a relationship, take your time. Listen carefully. Observe closely. Be careful NOT to force your potential partner into the image you want him or her to be.
DO NOT fully trust Chemistry.
If your Attractions are true it is wonderful, and it's even more amazing if your partner also has True attractions. But you MUST pay close attention when you venture into bed with each other. If you notice you have very different needs when it comes to foreplay or how you communicate and make love, you could be mismatched sexually.
If you have False Attractions be wary of the people you have strong chemistry with. Instead, look for the person that is visually and mentally interesting to you, especially if there is no chemistry. Be alert to some simple tests for energetic compatibility. Notice how easy it is to communicate. Does the person ware you down or boost your energy? Do you feel like you are in sync with each other mentally? Go on a few dates. Hold hands, Enjoy long embraces. Tango. Seriously, the dance is a perfect metaphor because one of the best tests for compatibility, and to experience a more powerful connection than chemistry, happens with an embrace on the dance floor.
One of my favorite stories is about a couple that worked with each other for over a year. They would go to a coffee shop every day for lunch. They became very close and trusting friends. One day by chance the guy reached across the table and grabbed the hand of his lady friend. They never let go and married within the next year. They are still together today. That was over 4 years ago.
Now that you understand how chemistry pulls your strings you get to embrace it and use it to your advantage. This means being more aware than you’ve ever been before.
If you pay close attention and take the time to truly see the person you are dating, Not with rose colored glasses. Not from an image of them which you want them to be. But for who they are in the moment, then you have the greatest potential of experiencing true love.
Love in the now and your hearts will celebrate together.
Please email or comment and share your challenges, aha moments and successes.
Warning: Please be leery of any program that promises to restore the attraction of an ex. If there was chemistry and it faded, there is probably a very good energetic reason. Trying to restore it is a sure fire way to jump right back into the fantasy that blew up the first time around. Yes, you may have grown up, changed your behaviors and become more sensitive. This may be where you went wrong in the past but it’s rarely the whole picture. Back away completely for at least a month or three and be true to yourself.