Hopefully from reading Part II of this series, you're ready to shed any guilt, resentment, blame or shame about spending time with anyone. The goal of this series is to bring you a whole lot closer to true love by teaching you how to love yourself first. Now, it's time to tango! Can you trust your chemistry? Is your "picker" broken? Everything You Need To Know About Chemistry: Part I
When you are overwhelmed by chemistry, one of two things is going to happen:
1. You CAN trust your feelings. We will call that “True Attractions."
2. You CANNOT rely on your feelings. We will call that “False Attractions” or the "broken picker."
If your attractions are TRUE and you follow them, it is very likely that you have met someone that you can have wonderful, deep and meaningful conversations with. The experience is smooth and easy. You dissolve into a feeling of trust and connection. You enjoy each other’s playful antics and a deep feeling of trust develops. Immediately or shortly thereafter, the desire for deeper intimacy and sex escalates. Life is good so far. Except there is one problem: the connection is so powerful that if there is a sexual mismatch, you’re likely to not notice it until much later. "We Have No Chemistry": What Does He Mean?
If your attractions are FALSE and you follow them, you are driven powerfully to experience everything I just described before. Except, it’s not nearly as easy. In fact, if you could step out of your body and observe from a distance, it may actually look comical like two people attempting to stick square pegs into round holes. Unless you know better, because of the chemistry, your efforts are relentless and your desires create a fantasy that you are certain will become a reality.
It gets more complicated. If you are sexually matched, add another dozen notches of intensity to the picture. Yowza! If you are sexually mismatched, the chemistry won’t wear off but it will be counteracted by less than great sex. This is when relationships are short lived and where people often conclude that they've had sex too soon. What Jennifer Aniston & Justin Theroux's Love Is Missing
The answer to your question, “How long should I wait before having sex?” is answered. Be sure you have an energetic match along with your other relationship needs. Don’t sacrifice your needs unless all you want is a fling. Regardless of if you have true or false attractions, if you want something bad enough, it’s amazing what negative signs you’ll miss.
When you miss the warnings, you've entered the world of fantasy. If it’s not just lust you’re after and it's true love you desire, understand that true love does not exist in the world of fantasy. We all know this to be true. How many times have you said or heard, “The fantasy is over!”” So you don’t think I’m a complete stick in the mud, know that I love fantasies! Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that when true love meets your fantasy versus forcing a relationship to become what you dream, the experience is radically different. What Is Our Greatest Addiction?
When you have the wonderful discovery that the life you’re living has just exceeded any fantasy you could have ever created, you’ve finally learned that by removing anxiety and projections, the end result will be a life that is extraordinarily beautiful. Love flourishes here. Learn the steps to get from fantasy to reality in Part IV, the last segment of this series.
If you're not sure if you have True ort False Attractions, you can go to www.matchmatrix.com and get an instant calculation on Attractions.
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