Don’t Be Fooled Into Thinking There’s a Financial Path to Relationship Doom
No relationship has every collapsed over money. I can already see the feathers starting to ruffle. Contenders, step on up!
Anyone who believes they can prove money is the number one cause of divorce, come journey to discover: it’s simply not the truth.
Finances have never destroyed a relationship. Without exception there is always a deeper issue.
Yes, it is true that far too many people get into relationships without having adequate money conversations. Good news is there’s sound advice out there about tactical steps you can take before or even after starting a relationship.
I’m going to share some of these practical steps, and I’m also going to share a few deep insights you must know and you won’t have read before.
Most partners (romantic or otherwise) have little to no understanding of their Genetic Energetic™ characteristics. Which means when it comes to quality communication, lifestyle, how they energetically relate to money and sex, they could be at a huge disadvantage before they even begin.
Bottom line, relationships fail because couples are often in the dark about core traits and behaviors. The good news is that this is one of the easiest and beautifully empowering things to correct.
1) When it comes to money, your upbringing and experiences may very greatly. Discuss these in detail with your partner. Learn about your partner’s beliefs and what they are accustomed to, especially in the financial areas where they have the greatest concerns.
2) Past relationship experiences around money will always carry forward and it is critical to discuss what worked and what was problematic in the past. Vulnerability and openness create strong, healthy, lasting relationships. Go in fearless.
This is not just a discovery process. You must come up with acceptable solutions as issues from the past are revealed, or you risk missing out on critical emotional exploration. The goal is to establish comfort and trust so when money issues surface there is already a safe and solution oriented platform to work from.
3) We all have one of two types of Genetic Energetics around money, Conservative and Non-Conservative.
The financially Conservative person is always aware of money, sometimes to the point where they obsess so much they literally push financial abundance away. There is an easy solution for them. They need to focus on the benefits of what they do and the contributions they make in the field where they are earning money. I can’t over emphasis this. Missing this one essential focus can mean the difference between financial ruin and massive abundance.
The financially Non-Conservative person can appear to be very irresponsible about money, easily overdrawing their bank accounts or surprisingly finding themselves broke…multiple times. The amazing thing is they never obsess about it because money always shows up when needed. They are rainmakers and by their energetic nature they attract money.
Non-conservative people are likely to have things like 401Ks and retirement plans because they know without these systems in place they might not be ready for a rainy day.
Imagine what it could be like when a couple does not share the same Genetic Energetics around money. One is laissez-faire and takes risks; the other is always obsessive, controlling or worried. Simply being aware of their differences is 90% of what’s necessary to rectify their financial woes.
One of my clients is an active investor, both in the stock market and real estate. He is Non-conservative. His wife is Conservative. When I met them she didn’t want to know anything about his higher risk ventures because they completed unnerved her.
In their experience, when she did know about his investments she would constantly nag him for more information; so often that most of the time there was nothing new for him to share. The energy around her concern and focus was so invasive that the deals she couldn’t stop worrying about became self-fulfilling prophecies and they lost money.
He pleaded with her to let him do what he does best. She backed off and like magic they had a wonderful string of successes. This sounds like they found a great solution, and to some degree it was. Except inside she felt left out and separated from something her husband loved to do. Her emotional resentment was building inside. When it surfaced they came to see me. Because of her disconnection other relationship issues became magnified and they had begun to question if they could stay together.
The solution came when they discovered their differences energetically. Instead of her thinking he wanted to avoid her or keep secrets from her, and him thinking she’s controlling and untrusting and just waiting for him to screw up again; they learned they are pre-wired for their logic around money and that it has nothing to do with one forcing the other to let go or take less risks.
If you were a traditional therapist or a statistician doing a research study you would conclude, money issues are driving them apart. The deeper truth is they have an energetic disposition around money that, like their blood type, does not change.
They realized that it’s impossible to get orange juice out of apple. At this point they had a choice, let go of the relationship because of their differences and look for partners that are a better match, or appreciate and embrace the qualities and stay in the love.
These two found a solution. Her Conservative logic around money made her a great a manager of their estate. She managed the books, paid the bills, negotiated contracts, planned the travels and she enjoyed it. He was the rainmaker and had a blast mixing high-risk ventures with conservative ones and made enough money to start contributing to a number of philanthropic ventures they both loved. Guess who would look at the books when they considered investing in a non-profit? That’s right, she did, happily!
These two flourished instead of perished.
This is possible for any couple. We must know the deeper truth about what we are energetically. It’s simply a matter of taking the time to responsibly examine our own financial history and beliefs. All of this combined easily takes care of a separation blamed on money.
Caveat: When you have your financial house in order it becomes instantly apparent if the rest of your emotional house is healthy or not. And when the rest of your emotional house is in order, it is equally apparent if your financial practices require examination. From there, you have all the love and commitment you need to find solutions that work for both partners.
Larry Michel works with couples and singles around the world to help them shed damaging fears and stories from their past and experience true intimacy, love and fulfillment in the present. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Visit MatchMatrix.com for free gifts from Larry to his YourTango followers or visit his personal website at TheFourAnwers.com.