Want A Happy Relationship?

By

Want A Happy Relationship?
5 Things To Look For In A Partner And In Yourself

Unless your date is a secret agent be wary if he/she is secretive about certain parts of their life.

Does your date make themselves emotionally available and emotionally vulnerable once they get to know you or do you see one of these types of behavior?  

  • "moods" that cause them to withdraw for significant periods of time
  • Getting angry to avoid talking about difficult emotions
  • Emotionally shutting down or getting distant to avoid talking about difficult things.

Real intimacy is communicated through deep undefended sharing. People who can't be emotionally intimate and vulnerable are emotionally immature.

Is your date a caring person even when they aren't being watched? Is your date a person who automatically moves towards a compassionate response even though nobody will notice?

  • Pay attention to how they respond to the less fortunate you see on the street.
  • Notice how they talk about people at work or acquaintances that are struggling with a personal issue.
  • Are they critical and derisive or are they compassionate and able to recognize that the person is suffering and not be judgemental.

Date people who have a kind heart.

Even if your date doesn't agree with you is he or she able to tell you he/she sees things differently without trying to make you feel like you are wrong or stupid?

  • Is your date a positive force in your life?
  • Are you both able to disagree without having to make each other wrong?
  • Are you both able to recognize that two different points of view are clashing but that neither one of you is wrong? 

Look to date those who are unconditionally accepting even when they don't agree. This doesn't mean that your date might not try to talk you into their point of view but it does mean they are not trying to make you wrong or stupid.

Does your date takes responsibility for their lives?

  • Is every bad thing that happened to them always someone else's fault?
  • Can your date admit partial responsibility for failed relationships in their past or does he/she blame x-partner for all of the problems?

Every relationship failure has fault on both sides. Make sure your date doesn't blame others for all of their struggles. Blaming everything that happens onto others is a victim mentality. Don't date victims.

 

Look for these qualities in your dates and you should be able to filter out those who are not genuine but are instead putting on a good show in an attempt to win your favor. Be honest with yourself about what you notice and then be honest with your date. Pretending a problem is not a problem just to keep from hurting someone's feelings only creates more pain later. Don't make promises you can't keep and if you change your mind about something be willing to say so in a kind and constructive way.

Of course if you have a history of doing any of the behaviors mentioned above, work on yourself to remove those destructive behaviors from your life. Find a good coach or psychotherapist to help you move beyond dysfunctional relationship behavior.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Your Denver Counseling Larry Cappel, M.A. LMFT

Counselor/Therapist

I'm an educator. The subject I teach how is:

Living in the world on the world's terms with balance, calm, patience and serenity.

Are these qualities that you value in your life? If so and you've run into a wall that you can't figure out how to get around then I'm here to help. Call me, email me, or simply schedule your own appointment online now. My passion is to helping people to embrace their true nature and to create a loving, successful and wonderful life for themselves and their loved ones. Change is possible. Transform your life into the life you’ve always dreamed of! Don’t wait another day!

 

Location: Denver, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Specialties: Abuse / Survivors of Abuse, ADD/ADHD, LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender)
Other Articles/News by Your Denver Counseling Larry Cappel, M.A. LMFT:

Couples Therapy: 10 Questions To Ask Your Therapist

By

These 10 questions are what many people ask a couples therapist before deciding to start couples counseling. If you'd like to be notified of future posts on this topic, please sign up for my newsletter here and receive your free copy of my free ebook “5 Don'ts For Every Relationship.” Is couples therapy the right thing for ... Read more

How To Use BDSM To Move Closer To Your Partner

By

I can already hear the mashing of teeth and the howls of disapproval when people read this article: “What? I'm supposed to whip my partner or let them whip me so that we can feel more intimate with each other?” Well Yea! Got a problem with that? BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / ... Read more

How to Hold a Grudge Like The Hatfields and McCoys

By

I recently traveled to Cuba on a People to People tour. I learned a lot about USA/Cuban relationships or lack thereof. Part of what I learned was how the USA has been holding a grudge against the Cuban people since 1959, 55 years! That’s a long time to hold a grudge and it got me wondering why. I’m reminded of the stories of the Hatfields and ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB