As Valentine's Day approaches, you can see gag gifts of your perfect man everywhere you look. There is the "inflatable husband", which claims to always be faithful and not watch football. You can also find the "grow a man" gag gift that is guaranteed to grow 600% its size when you place him in water. One year, I recall eating a solid milk chocolate man with my friends; he promised to always stay sweet. I still remember us all taking a bite out of him...and it was delicious!
Many have their own personal laundry list of qualities for the "ideal mate." Some of the items on the laundry list might include: loyal, kind, attractive, generous or successful. The technical term for meeting our laundry list is called the self-ideal-perception consistency. But what happens when our date does not meet all of the requirements on our laundry list? Can we change him to meet our expectations? Does he meet enough of our laundry list to qualify to be a cookie mate? The Most Important Qualities To Look For In A Life Partner
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Here are some helpful tips and information for finding your Cookie Mate:
1. "A chocolate chip cookie will always be a chocolate chip cookie."—The chocolate chips represent the flaws, and some of these flaws are simply non-negotiable. Attributes such as trustworthiness and ambitiousness cannot be easily changed in a partner. If this is a major problem early on, there is little likelihood that you will be able to "change" these characteristics in your mate. Can You Live With Your Partner's Quirks?
2. "Once we bake the cookie, there is no changing its shape."—When we try too hard to "regulate" our mate's behavior, it can produce negative feelings on the part of our partner. In other words, trying to create the cookie mate can leave the mate feeling resentful and unhappy in the relationship. Pushing, nagging and nudging do not get you very far.
3. "A warm cookie is the best cookie!"—Warmth is one of the most important dimensions in having a long term relationship. Look for a mate that exhibits kindness.
4. "Bake cookies regularly."—Studies have also found that we become increasingly attracted to people that we spend time with. Some aspects or talents of another individual show up gradually over time. The regular cookie is also somebody that we begin to feel comfortable with, thus increasing the likelihood of a long term relationship.
5. "Create a good cookie exchange."—There should be regular give and take of compliments and favors that go back and forth. It is important to know whether or not there will be a mutual give and take. Will he be there for you so long as you are there for him?
Yes, it can be possible to find your own cookie man, as you learn to recognize the things that are most important in an ideal mate. Recognize those things that are simply non-negotiable, such as not being trustworthy or warm. It is no surprise that the online dating industry is worth over 4 billion nationwide. 12 Common Online Dating Mistakes
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Perhaps there is no such thing as the "perfect mate", but never lose sight of the critical elements that make a good relationship! You will find it!
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