Your most potent and revealing relationships are the mirrors of you deepest personal issues
Being in relationship is like being a pickle in the jar... Whether you want it or not, you'd be pickled by the brine inside. Long term relationships are just like that. When you stay together long enough, you either learn to enjoy the chemicals in your body produced during your interactions or you may grow to hate how you feel. In either case you become a bit dependent on the flavor your relationship gives to your life, so you may not even imagine yourself living without it.
Your All Knowing Higher Self is on a mission of discovery how the love feels on planet Earth. It chooses your closest relationships as a backdrop for each drama or comedy that you are playing out. Your most potent and revealing relationships mirror the deepest personal issues that you may be even hiding from yourself. Your relationships allow you to see these reflections in the eyes of people you love and people you hate.
As we collectively become more and more aware of how the intimacy of Oneness feels like, we also become more and more aware how living in separateness feels like. We start noticing the moments when we are unable to express our truth while being in relationship with others, but we still blame others for these incidents. If just for a moment we could stop blaming others for what is happening, we may be able to notice our need to be involved with these people or events generated in relationship to them. We may even notice that we are making choices that do not resonate with our value system or perspective like saying words we do not mean or doing things we do not care for. In the hit of the argument we cannot clearly see that we are taking on a false identity to please others and earn their love or destroy their opinion and their story.
The ultimate goal of forming and sustaining loving relationships is experiencing highest aspects of Love, flow of creative energy, self-respect and co-operation with others. These components of the deep intimate Love are most important ingredients in your Soul recipe. When you are given this level of love and commitment, you grow to be more aware of your innate gifts, and become more generous and more peaceful. At the same time, if you are not self-reliable and have difficulties focusing on your inner light when there is the turbulence in your outer enjoinment, you may be frightened to be real in dread of losing the attraction.
Suppressing your full self-expression, creativeness and desires in fear of losing the love of the people that offered you support in a first place can become yours second nature very fast. Same is even more present if you have to “work” on getting someone love and appreciate you. Trying to avoid discomfort of not being “good enough”, you may make decisions that really disconnect you from your authentic being.
Every relationship has its own up and downs, of course. After all we live in a school of drama and we love the passion, the hit and the “I love you” that comes after the steaming quarrel. At the same time, having an awareness of your own choices, whether they explode out of your fear and anger or are generated in response to what is presented to you helps you see a bigger picture and make more conscious decisions. After all these decisions are about what is the quality of your vibrational signature and how it influences your environment. It is about at what emotional level do you chose to experience your life.
For example, while we internalize our cultural or family’s “dos”, “shoulds” and “do nots”, our body/mind system identifies with these external demands and changes our priorities. We start responding to other people’s needs and desires instead of following our own inclinations. Every critical remark makes us feel that we are not living up to someone’s expectations. We become less confident and certain about our decisions. Then we change our behaviors in order to please others and prove our self-worth. Sometimes we also fight back in order to restore our dignity and gain our control over ourselves.
If these external pressures are experienced over a substantial period of time (even for a month or so) your body, mind and spirit adapts to these challenges. What you felt before as an intrusion and oppression becomes your normal second nature. As you go through schooling, marriage, and raising your own children, you energetically share these pressures of fear, concern, and self-doubt and start attracting similar sensations through relationships and situations of your life. Every time you experience the same pressure reflected back to us, you are reminded about your inner misalignment and realize how out of balance we feel.
Lacking true, unconditional self-love and genuine interest in our own lives, we constantly look for people that may fulfill our need for inner safety and acceptance. Mistaking this need for a true love, we create all kinds of co-dependent relationships that remind us of our family of origin or reflect our own state of neediness. Even though these relationships keep us unbalanced, unhealthy and unhappy, they provide us with a familiar environment that we already learned to navigate by either being invisible or fighting for our freedom.
Even though our actions may create an illusion of comfort through avoiding criticism and angry interactions, a deep inner resentment and a bottomless un-satisfaction begin to build up. This energy disrupts our life flow and we start experiencing our relationships as a struggle.
While you continue to participate in any relationship, you carry on producing the pain or pleasure chemicals that create an inner environment that either supports or enslaves you. When you are consciously and unconsciously provoking unpleasant states because these are the only limited states you know through your relationship, you enter the loop you no longer can control. I call this type of relationship Feeling Good When Feeling Bad.
The conflicts that you may experience could be a vibrational match to emotional distress that you’ve experienced earlier in your first relationships with the members of your original family. It satisfies your dependency on the chemicals released within the body while you are feeling lost, unheard or guilty. Eventually, this type of interaction becomes your norm. Your body becomes dependent on the level of conflict energy stimulation.
For instance, when you find yourself generating situations where there is no way out or you are picking up fights regularly, you may be looking for exhilarating rush that makes you want to continue arguing, finding new hooks to engage your partners. If you are in need of stimulation, the fight will help you create much-needed “pick-me-upper” that paradoxically helps you feel better when you are really feeling worse.
If you become reliant on chemical over-production in your system, your inner pharmacy starts working over-time to support your need for your “emotional drugs”. Becoming aware of these tendencies is one of the major steps in balancing your relationships. If you become aware of your tendencies, you will be able to change your behavior before your inner pharmacy produces over-stimulating substances and shift yourself into production of more useful chemicals that are associated with higher emotional states.
I am passionate about empowering women to find yourself and then find a relationship they desire. Email me at Lana@energy4action.com or all me at 847 414 3730 for your FREE CONSULTATION. It will help you step out of the vicious circle of living NOT-SELF life and start financing relationships that are important to YOU.