Relationship Puzzle is a real game.
Relationship Puzzle is a real game. We all play it every day, figuring out where we belong in life in relationship to others. When you find a perfect fit, your relationship feels great and you reflect this perfection in your looks. When you are trying to squeeze yourself into a relationship, a carrier, or an environment that are not yours, you feel exhausted and depleted and your life puzzle looses some bright colors.
Do you feel confident in your relationship?
Do you do anything out of fear of being abandoned (even for a few moment when your partner disconnects from you) or being punished (even by not receiving his/her token of love?
Do you feel obliged to do something for your partner or do it because you are happy to share and experiment?
Do you honor your feelings and use them as information, without judging yourself or blaming others for these feelings?
Do you make choices that feel right to you or choose the next step because it sounds right?
Being aware of your priorities within five important components of your relationship that you want to experience (I call them The Big Five: who, what, how, when and where) and honoring your answers to these questions can make you conscious about your contribution to the joy or frictions within some of your interactions. When you simply know what you want, it is easier to notice what matches to your desires and what falls out from your puzzle palette.
Here is a story of my client, young women who wanted to stay in her marriage for the sake of her children, even though she felt completely estranged from the man she married some time ago. As she explored her Big Five, she was empowered by listening to her inner guidance that helped her to create inner harmony and balance, that helped her making conscious decisions instead of experiencing emotional over-reaction and taking reactive actions in relation to others.
There are many new developments in my life that I wanted to share with you. For several days after our conversation I was feeling much better, however, I realized that I needed to say what I had to say to my husband for a long time. I wanted to talk with you about it first, and after our session I understood that I was ready. I couldn't hold it anymore.
I know that I don't love him anymore, and frankly, I don't think I ever did. I have grown to like him over the years, but I'm not in love with him and all his nagging, his negativity and his insecurities have been too much for me to handle. I told him straight out what I felt and he was of course shocked. I told him that I deeply care about him and I would be willing to go to your sessions with him or seek professional help of a marriage counselor if he was feeling it would serve him better. I'm still hopeful that we'll be able to stay connected in a positive manner for the sake of the kids, although I understand that he will not be willing to stay together because he doesn't believe in marriage without love.