As parents of a combined total of 19 children (varying in age from 9 to 47) — and even more grandchildren, we, the co-directors of Dasi–Ziyad Family Institute are bound to get questions of all kinds from our children. The older ones and the younger ones approach us for wise answers to curious, sad or challenging questions.
Then there are the hundreds of clients and workshop participants who query us (Since we are Certified Family Life Educators (CFLEs) and Certified Better Together Instructors) about their relationships, their families and even their innermost desires, hopes and dreams. Here are some of them:
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Do you think I will love this child as much as I do my first one?
Is it all right to want time for myself?
Why should I forgive him when he betrayed my trust?
She wants to be more than friends, am I really ready for this?
What’s the difference between marriage and cohabitation?
Because of one such question that we were asked for the umpteenth time: How do I know it’s love?, In this article, we’ll talk about looking at your relationship to know if it’s love. Or not.
Here are some general truths about love: When it’s love we feel better about ourselves; we feel lovable and capable, validated and worthwhile. When we are loved, we feel safe. In a relationship therefore, if we are feeling unsafe, it is probably not true love.
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And because love — especially in a marriage or premarital relationship, should be reciprocal—each person in a relationship should feel loved and worthwhile. If it’s not reciprocal or mutually beneficial, then it’s like the old song says: “I found love on a two way street—but lost it on a lonely highway.”
Take the mini test below if you are in a relationship—either married or premarital: Answer each question with a yes or no.