When you chase a man, you're telling yourself you don't think you're worthy of his pursuit.
You’re attracted to a new guy, and he seems like he is interested in you too.
When he doesn’t call or text you like he said he would, you convince yourself he’s shy and insecure and just afraid to call you and ask you out.
You give him a call to "help him out" — but he’s sounds unenthusiastic and uncommunicative, and he coolly declines your invitation to meet for coffee or drinks.
Your heart sinks ... because you know you made an irreversible mistake in calling him.
Or maybe you were nervous on your first date, and now you’re afraid you ruined it with him. You worry that you didn’t show enough interest in him, talked too much about yourself, or you drank more than you should have.
You agonize. Should you call him to reinforce your interest in him, or should you wait for him to call you?
Or you haunt his favorite hangout hoping to run into him. You think if he just sees you it will rekindle his interest in you. Instead, you end up devastated by his aloof reception.
If you have to guess whether or not you should call him, the answer is always, “DON’T CALL!”
Let’s say you do call, and it results in you getting a second, and even a third date with the guy.
You want to make sure he knows you like him, so you do things like:
- Friend him on Facebook and like, love and comment on his all of his activities.
- Offer to cook dinner for him after a first date.
- Text him to stay in contact or invite him to meet for a drink.
- Call him because you heard or read something interesting, or to invite him to an event.
- Keep his favorite beer or liquor on hand.
- Offer to sew a missing button on his shirt.
- Offer to pick up his mail when he goes out of town, or to pick him up from the airport.
- Cancel your plans with your girlfriends to go out with him.
- Give him gifts, mail him cute cards or send flowers to his home or work (yes, women do this!).
- Drop by his work or house unexpectedly to say “hello.”
Please tell me you're not secretly driving by his work or home to keep tabs on him!
Girl, get a grip on your insecurities and STOP selling yourself short!
Pining for a man who doesn’t feel the same way about you sets you up for the kind of serious rejection and disappointment that rips gaping holes in your self-esteem.
If you don’t think you're worth his pursuit, neither will he!
Think about it. if a new guy foams at the mouth to get a date with you by flooding you with texts, phone calls and emails, shows up at your house unannounced, constantly does nice things for you and tells you he wants to take you away for weekend, there’s NO mystery.
There’s NO tension.
There’s NO reason to be excited about him.
If he’s not pursuing you — it means he’s not into you!
Give the guy credit.
Men know they must pursue a woman if they want to win her love, affection, and commitment.
The chase is when a man subconsciously forms his initial emotional attachment for you. If you chase him (or you're too nice, too accommodating, too available or you have sex with him too soon), you take over his role as the suitor and he will lose his interest in you and his motivation for the chase.
Sister, it’s time to reprogram your dating computer. You ARE the SELECTOR. He IS the PURSUER.
His job is to court you, woo you, impress you and convince YOU that he is the absolute best man for you.
Your job is to be charming, receptive and appreciative of his gentlemanly efforts — while you take your time to decide if HE is worthy of your attention, love and commitment.
If you believe you ARE the prize, he will sense your confidence and self-worth, and he will work double-time to win your favor.
Just a reminder: Don’t play coy or hard-to-get, because he’ll think you’re a snob or that you’re not interested in him and he will drift away.
Are you sick and tired of meeting a great guy and then running him off? Nancy Nichols can help you understand your attitudes and behaviors that push men away. Email her for a complimentary 15-minute telephone conversation at email@example.com and to set up a time for to chat. For more dating and relationship insight sign up for Nancy's Newsletter.
This article was originally published at www.knowitallnancy.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.