Are You Too Intimidating For Love?


Are You Too Intimidating For Love?
People will admire us for having our act together, but loves comes when they can see our flaws.

Then one day, things changed when I really effed up at work.  I had gotten a new job and completely and totally dropped the ball.  I had inconvenienced a crap load of people and it was even a question if this job was a “good fit for me.”  I was devastated.  So when his call came that night,  I broke into tears.  Not cute, sniffle tears but the “I can barely speak because I am hysterically crying’ tears.  As I tried to form words he got very, very quiet.

The silence immediately made me scared because all of a sudden I realized that I had never been this person around him.  I had been “Awesome Kira.”  You know “funny, smart, I’m all good – too legit to quit – I can take care of myself” Kira?  In that 5-second silence, I imagined the potential of this beautiful relationship being tossed out the window.  Then something weird happened.


He cleared his throat, softly and sweetly said, “I am so sorry honey, how can I help?  I wish I could be there to give you a hug and let you know it is going to be ok.”  Within a couple of minutes he had me laughing through the tears and I felt better and our relationship had moved to this new level that I didn’t even know we were not reaching.

What I realized in retrospect is that although he really liked “Awesome Kira,” it wasn’t enough.  I had never really given him a reason to really be there and contribute something to my life.  I had put on this whole “look at me, I can do it all by myself” attitude (which all of us intimidating ladies know is complete and utter b*llshit) that never really let him see all sides of me or where he could fit in to my world.  By allowing him to see that vulnerability, I allowed him to step up and play a different role where he could feel needed and important.   Qualities, I know now, that are a must in every great relationship.

I heard this great quote about it not to long ago: “People like us for being nice.  They will admire and respect us for having our act together.  But they can only love us when we allow them to see our vulnerabilities and our flaws.”

Your Adventure for Today: So here is my question to you all you “awesome” ladies (and yes I mean you my little overachievers).  Is your “awesome”  holding you back from real love?  From a relationship that offers give AND take?  Do guys walk in and out of your life because they aren’t sure what to do there since you already have it all figured out?

It is great to be awesome, but it is better to be loved.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kira Sabin

Dating Coach

Meet love halfway.

Kira Sabin


Talk to me grasshopper.

Location: Madison, WI
Credentials: CPC
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
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