4. Remember that anger harms you not him. There's a lot of scientific truth to the old saying that resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting it to kill the other person. Anger has some horrible consequences in your body. Studies have shown that anger can give you heart disease and harden your arteries, and worsen already existing cardiovascular conditions. Researchers also have linked anger to an increased risk of developing diabetes and irritable bowel syndrome.
On the opposite side of the scale studies have shown forgiveness improves heart health, lowers blood pressure and is associated with less medication use. If you truly feel your ex-husband has hurt you emotionally do you really want him to continue to destroy your physical health as well?
5. Acknowledge, that after divorce, anger prevents solutions. If you're holding on to anger, it's stopping you from finding solutions to problems. For instance, let's say your husband left you for a younger woman. You're understandably angry and believe that all men want younger women.
So when you start dating again, if you're not getting a lot of good responses to your online dating profile, instead of asking yourself how you can rewrite the profile to attract more quality men you'll be thinking that all men want younger women.
6. Feel sorry for your ex-husband. If you can get to the place where you feel sorry for your ex, your anger will melt away and turn into compassion. Let's use Tiger Woods, a serial cheater, as one example. It would be easy for his ex-wife Elin to hate him but Tiger Woods is probably never going to have a fulfilling, long-lasting connection with a woman. How sad is that to go your whole life without a real, loving connection?
Sometimes, to summon up compassion, it helps to understand why your ex-husband did what he did. Take for example a woman who wants to go back to school to pursue her master's degree but her husband keeps discouraging her. They argue more and more and eventually get a divorce. At first glance her husband seems like a selfish jerk because he discouraged her from fulfilling her dream. But what if that same man's parents had divorced right after his own mother had earned her doctorate degree? And now he's subconsciously terrified the same thing will happen in his own marriage. The key is to replace your anger with sympathy by understanding your ex-husband’s motivations.
Kimberly Pryor is an author and host of The Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce Mountain Retreat September 15 – 17, 2012 at North Lake Tahoe. The event features 15 authors and experts who will show you how to feel whole again after divorce, forgive your ex-husband, help your kids heal and avoid the losers as you begin dating again.