I know. You’re rolling your eyes and going “puhleeeez, Kim, no more tabloid fodder!”, yes? Well, as you know, I’m all about conscious relating and sometimes the attention given to celebrities making really bad mistakes can become excellent teaching points for what NOT to do.
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I think we can all agree these two were possibly doomed from the beginning. All the pieces were in place; media hungry couple, money at stake, sponsors they committed to and, perhaps, more in love with the wedding then they were with each other.
When you strip away the money, the cameras and their high profile status, this couple’s situation is not unlike regular, every day couples I’ve coached or met.
I’ve observed plenty of couples who became swept up in the fantasy of a wedding and rush into something that , deep down, they knew wasn’t right. Every day I speak with women who admit they’ve ignored “red flags” and warning signs – and a surprising number who knew as they walked down the aisle they were making the biggest mistake of their life.
Once those invitations are sent out, wedding dress ordered and church booked it becomes increasingly more difficult to back out – the pressure is on.
1. Slow Down
If you’re in your 30’s, you most likely have one eye on your career and the other on your biological clock. When you’re in this place, marriage can feel like a race. The only place a “high speed connection” is appropriate is with your computer, not with a man.
My recommended timeline for courtship is as follows:
- Wait at least 60 days before you sleep together
- Let your new partner know no later than 3 months your goal is marriage
- Be in relationship for a minimum of 1 year before marriage
2. Deal Breakers
Similar to couples who avoid issues by putting attention on their kids, planning a wedding works in a similar way. It sweeps issues under the carpet as your focus shifts to preparing for the big day. If your values and what’s important to you don’t align now, they won’t down the road. Know what your deal breakers are BEFORE you commit.
3. Nerves vs. Red Flag
Nervous excitement feels like fun butterflies in your stomach. Making a big mistake is leaden with an uncertainty that won’t go away – that’s a red flag. If that’s you, then it’s time to step back, get perspective and, if necessary, have a really open conversation with your mate.
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