A new client I’m working with confided she downplayed a recent bonus at work from her unemployed husband, fearing it would make him feel inadequate. I’ll be expanding on women as the main breadwinners in an upcoming article. In the meantime, it did get me thinking about how women relate to money and men.
Whether you’re single or attached, women tend to downplay many aspects of their life – promotions/ salary increase/ awards. It’s not surprising. Most women are walking around feeling like second-class citizens. Despite women – more then any other time in history – being in positions of power, it’s hard to ignore men still out earn women.
It’s a tough spot for women everywhere. The world has not been a huge “yes” to you and all the rules about money and business were already made up by the time you entered the scene – without anyone asking you what you wanted first.
For women, making money is still a “new” concept compared to men who have been able to make it and spend it for hundreds of years.
Interestingly, this second-class citizen mindset carries over to your relationship with both men and money.
I’ve witnessed many friends and colleagues who took a job that paid them far less then what they were worth “because they were excited about it”. Similarly, I see those same women compromise and settle for much less then what they want from a man because – deep down – they don’t feel worthy/ deserving enough to ask for or “have it all”.
I’ve coached single mothers and high profile CEO’s. All of them are suffering at some level as a result of low self-esteem. You may be good at putting on a confident, happy face but, deep down – there’s a frightened little girl who is scared her needs won’t get met.
Healing a lifetime pattern of undervaluing yourself in love and with money can’t happen overnight. Today, I’m sharing a great way to at least get the process started for you.
Self-Esteem Building Exercise:
When you’ve got inner negative self-talk activated, you’ll notice you use Because…therefore thoughts. For example, “Because of ___________(some external condition), therefore I am not a good woman.” Over time, these thought patterns erode your self-esteem and/ or keep it from developing.
What you want to do instead is create a realistic, upbeat, immediate response to unpleasant events. Something that re-enforces your sense of worth by separating worth from what’s happening outside of you.
Here’s what it looks like:
Even though_____________________ nevertheless_________________________
(something external) (some statement of worth)
For example: “Even though I haven’t met my soulmate, nevertheless I’m still a worthwhile woman
Nevertheless, I’m still a worthy woman
Nevertheless, I’m still an important and valuable person
Nevertheless, my worth is infinite and unchangeable
I invite you to practice with this as much as you can. Taming those inner gremlins is an excellent and worthwhile use of your time – opening up profound and infinite possibilities for healing and growth!
Do you have questions for Kim? Leave a Comment Below.