Ask Kim: “Who should say I love you first?”

The truth is, if he’s doing all the things I described above and more, he most likely does. However, I firmly insist you do NOT say I love you first. Why? Because he’s probably very much in his processing phase – and you never poke a bear (or a man!) when their in the cave.

A man needs to work through each question/doubt triggered (mostly about his ability to make you happy) so he feels confident sharing he loves you verbally – and means it. When you say it first, it disrupts his process – much like waking a bear in hibernation – and will push him away.

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Also, you’ll notice if you said this first with other men in the past, it didn’t feel very natural, right? That’s because you immediately become the “pursuer” – instead of the feminine “receiver” you’re meant to be!

Now, if you’ve been dating for 4 months or more, I definitely recommend sitting down and having a conversation. Please note I said “conversation” not “ultimatum”. Your approach and energy should be with an open mind and heart – remaining unattached to the outcome.

Here’s a first class way to start a conversation like this:

“Tom, I really enjoy the time we spend together and all the wonderful things you do for me (mention some specific things here). I’m noticing I’ve got some strong feelings developing for you, so thought this might be a good time for us to check in and see if we’re on the same page as far as our life plans etc…– would you be open to that?”
Hope this helps Tanus and SO happy for you – you deserve it!

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